The Mind of an Insecure Person

Jessica

I was in labor for exactly five hours. She was born at five-fifteen in the morning. I had a hard time deciding what I wanted to name her, so Jonathon and I both picked her name out. Nevaeh Marie Johnson.

She was a beautiful baby. Had little brown hair, with beautiful brown eyes. She had a beautiful smile that lighted up my heart when she first smiled at me. I'm thankful for being blessed with her.

My brother and father did come. So did Cole's supposed girl, Candice. My mom and step father also came. They all got along together and I was also thankful for that. Being able to have a family that connected so well.

"How ya feeling?" Jonathan said, entering the door.

"I'm feeling better." I said, smiling.

At that, the nurse came in smiling at me. "Time to feed her. Do you want to be alone?"

"Uh, sure." I said, shyly.

She handed me Nevaeh and I began to breast feed her. It felt really weird and hopefully I wouldn't have to do this for long.

"How long will I have to breast feed her?" I asked the nurse.

"You can always bottel feed her after this." she smiled at me.

I nodded my head and sat there, letting the baby eat.

An hour later, I was feeling tired, but Nevaeh wouldn't stop crying in my arms. Jonathon came in and took her. He started walking around with her and she calmed down.

"What if I'm a bad mother?" I said, beginning to tear up.

"No, no. Babe, you won't be. Just calm down." He walked over to me and kissed me. I half-smiled.

I laid in bed and started to fall asleep.

When I woke up, I shot up. Where is Nevaeh? Did someone take her? Where is my baby!? I grabbed my phone and texted Jonathon.

Where is Nevaeh?!

A couple minutes later, he replied. Family has her.

I laid down in bed again and relaxed.

A couple days later, I was released and got to go back home.

When I first got home, I fell straight down in my bed and got comfortable. Thank lord for comfortable beds.

A couple minutes later, Nevaeh started getting fussy. I sighed and picked her up.

"It's okay, beautiful. Shh, Shh."

She started to calm down for a minute, then a couple minutes of walking around, she fell asleep in my arms. I laid her down beside me on my bed and decided to rest my eyes too.

My life is changing. I'm not fully ready for it all, but I will be ready for anything to happen.

Love always,

Jessica Knot, the girl with a dysfunctional mind.