The Mind of an Insecure Person

Cole

Dear diary,

Today I went job hunting. I searched all the places in the mall and applied to three jobs. The local ice cream shop, the book store, and Hot Topic.

After job hunting, I went home and ate. I had a burger with some fries. After I was done, I sat down on the couch to watch some TV. Lately, since I met Candice, I really had no time to relax or sit down. I'm not saying it is a bad thing, but I like to relax once in awhile.

While I watched TV, I started to doze off.

When I woke up, my phone was buzzing in my ear.

"Hello?" I answer, groggily.

"You okay?" Candice asks.

"Oh hey, yeah! I'm fine. I dozed off."

"Oh." She giggled.

"What ya doing, sweetie?" I ask.

"Sitting at home, bored."

"Want me to come over?"

"If you want!"

We hung up the phone and I drove to her house. When I got there, she was sitting on the front porch.

"Hey!" She ran up to me and hugged me, tightly.

I hugged her back.

We walked up to her bedroom and we sat on her bed.

"What you all do today?" She asked.

"I went job hunting!"

She smiled. "Good! I'm so proud of you."

I giggled. "Thank you."

At that moment, her phone vibrated. She picked it up and started to reply with a smile on her face.

"Who's that?" I ask questionably.

"Oh, nobody." She put her phone down.

"Didn't seem like just nobody while you were replying with a smile."

She looked down. "Why are you being mean?"

"Because! I kind of would get suspicious if you are replying to someone with a smile and then when I ask who it is, you get all quiet and tell me it's nobody."

"His name is Eric! You fucking happy now?"

I got up off the bed. "And who is Eric?" I ask her.

"My ex-boyfriend."

I laugh a little. "Or is he your boyfriend?"

"No, you are!"

"Prove it. Let me see your phone."

"No!"

"You are acting quite suspicious right now, Candice."

She handed me her phone, with tears rolling down her face. I start looking at the messages and couldn't believe what I saw.

'I love you, Candice.' One message said.

'Eric, I love you too. You are my soul mate.'

Then there was more saying how they never should have ended it and how they loved each other. Then I came to one that broke my heart.

'Will you come back to me?' Eric asked her.

'Yes.'

I tossed her phone on the bed and started walking out her door.

"Eri-, I mean Cole."

"Fuck off, Candice. And fuck you."

I slammed the door and stormed out the house, getting into the car. Tears began to roll down my face. My heart began to break in pieces, one by one. My stomach twisted in knots and I felt hopeless, lost, confused, and hurt.

I drove home with a blurry vision. The tears were blocking my vision. When I got home, I parked the car and went straight to my bedroom. I plopped face-first on my bed and screamed as loud as I could. Tears were rolling down my cheeks, and they felt so hot that it felt like lava erupting from a volcano.

A couple minutes later, I just laid there, staring up at the ceiling. My phone began to vibrate. I ignored. It began to vibrate again and again, but I just let it go. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. A couple minutes later, my phone vibrated again, this time I answered.

"What the hell do you want?"

"Please, forgive me. It's not what it looks like." She pleaded.

"I know what I saw and it looked like you were with him."

"I'm not, I promise."

I laughed. "Fuck off, you're a liar."

I hung the phone up and turned it off. Fuck her for doing what she did to me. Fuck everything that I thought was perfect and right. Just forget it all.

That night, I stayed up all night long. Thinking over and over again how she could do this to me. Why would she cheat on me? I gave her everything. I gave her my world, my love, my heart, my all. And all she did was fuck it up by getting with her ex.

Love is a horrible disease. It seems so perfect in the beginning, but it kills you in the end.

Love always.

The Broken Image of a boy named Cole.