The Mind of an Insecure Person

Cole

Dear diary,

Tomorrow is the big day for my sister, Jessica. It's crazy knowing that my twin sister will be getting married tomorrow. I feel happiness for her, but I also feel sadness. I feel like she's growing up and that we won't be able to be as close as we wanted. I feel as if she will be too busy being a mother and a wife. It sucks but I know she wants this.

Earlier in the day I went to the local tuxedo shop and got a tux for the wedding. I can't wait to be the best man and be standing up there, watching my sister and her soon-to-be husband give their vows and officially be bound together by marriage.

Candice and I are lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Nothing but silence fills the air in my room. I reach over and grab ahold of her hand. She looks over at me and smiles. I lean over and kiss her. I love her. I love her so much, in fact, that I can see ourselves getting married in the near future. She means the world to me. Through thick and thin. Good and bad.

Later that night, Candice was laying on my bed playing some game on her phone as I sat down at my stand and wrote my heart out. There is so much I have to say, but little words to express it. I can't put in to words how much I love Candice. Can't say how excited, but nervous for tomorrow because my sister is getting married and she is growing up so fast.

Life can be a very scary thing, in fact. First you are this little baby just entering the world and you learn how to talk, take your very first step, see the world in your own eyes and every other beautiful thing. Then you grow up, become this teenager with these insecurities that haunt you and make your heart throb with intense pain that makes your body hurt, make your brain think over and over about certain things. Whether it be what you did, what you said, what you wore, how you look, etc. These insecurities eat you alive every single day and make you bitter and make you think of yourself as this horrible monster. When you look in the mirror, you despise the reflection. You try to not look in any mirror or look at your reflection in anything you can physically can see yourself in. It hurts because you think you look ugly, horrible, hideous, and not worth it but really you see something totally different from what others see.

Life can be that mean; however, you have to make the best of it. Defeat those monsters. Make them run scared from your mind because everyone is beautiful. One way or another.

Growing up is also a scary thing about life. You never know what is going to happen. You don't know if you will die early or live long. You don't know if you'll be successful or poor. You don't know where you will live or even if you will have a house. Not knowing if you will have kids, be married, or even be with certain friends.

When you graduate, life kicks in and you think to yourself about different things you can do. It makes you think over and over and over about different things. You have to know that it happens. You have to work for what you want.

Life is a very scary thing. It's reality. But always remember; the best things in life come to those who wait.

Love always,

the broken image of a boy named Cole.