Stay Courageous

Chapter 31

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Zoe's POV

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I didn't go to school on Wednesday. I sat down with my mom and my dad the day after my mom saw my scars, and I told them everything. Absolutely everything. I told them how people at school started being rude to me in middle school, starting with whispering about me behind my back and things like that, and about how it got progressively worse and worse. By the time I reached freshman year, everyone was blatantly making fun of me to my face. Calling me names, disgracing the way I dress and the crazy outgoing things I did. I told them how my only saving grace was my small circle of friends.

I told my parents how I had Stella and Emily in middle school and how we grew so close that we were almost sisters. I thought I didn't even need anyone else, but then towards the end of high school, Kat came along. This year, I was able to surround myself with people that I loved: Sam, Taylor, Kat. Emily and I have even started hanging out again. But now that Stella was moving to California, it felt like everything was being ripped out from under me. Stella was my best friend, my first friend. Things wouldn't be the same, things wouldn't be happy, things wouldn't feel okay  without Stella here with me.

I told my parents I saw the pain her parents were putting her through, how she was up in the middle of the night crying, how I left her notes and wrote her poems and tried to cheer her up and nothing worked when she used to be the happiest person I know. I just felt so useless and with people telling me every day at school that I was, I started to believe I was useless. I felt like I deserved punishment, but I was scared of the razor blades, so I scratched. And I scratched and I scratched and I scratched until I didn't want to anymore. It was scaring me, but I couldn't stop! I was addicted, and I knew it, but I was too afraid to tell anyone. I thought they'd think I was disgusting or sick and morbid. I'd told Stella, but even I knew my problem was over her head.

I told my parents that I knew  there were people with harder lives than me. People who actually had a reason to self harm. I didn't know why I did it, I just felt surrounded by so much negative energy and so much stress and so much wrong in the world that it was overwhelming. And I couldn't think of another outlet to handle it. I told them I was sorry, that they probably wouldn't want an insane sadist for a daughter, and that I'd understand if they'd be angry with me or disgusted by me. I finished rambling and I finished saying all of this and adamantly talking with my hands, and I sat still on the stool I was sitting on and I was quiet, waiting.

"Oh, Zoe," my mom was crying, and she just hugged me and hugged me for a long long time. I couldn't speak because if I did, I would only choke out a sob. I'm sure that was my mom's same problem, so my dad spoke.

"Zo, we will never be disgusted by you. If you need to tell us something, we will listen and we wont be angry," he was vert tense, and as soon as my mom let go of me, he gave me a great big bear hug, the really warm ones that only dads can give.

I finally responded, "I know. I'm telling you now: I'm done with this, and I want help."

And help is exactly what I got that Christmas. Some kids my age wouldn't want to trade the new iPhone 6 they were going to get for therapy, but I did. The fact that my parents would pay the money they had that they could use on other things, for my  therapy meant that they loved me. They wanted me to be as mentally healthy as possible, and they were doing it out of pure love. What better Christmas present could you get than love from your parents?

Stella did not answer her phone Wednesday night. I decided that tomorrow, I would call her dad. Also, Sam could date Sean. The two were perfect for each other. Besides, I didn't need a boy in my life right now with all the crap I have going on, especially if it's going to cost me a friend like Sam.

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Sam's POV

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Wednesday was only a half day at school, it being the day before Christmas Eve. Stella and Zoe were both no where to be seen. We were all very confused, up until morning break.

"What, are all our friends dropping like flies?" Taylor bent down to tie her mint green converse.

"Nah, it's just a half day and Zoe and Stella are two exhausted human beings anyway. No wonder they didn't come to school," I tried to convince myself, even though I still couldn't shake that nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Yeah, I bet they're fine," Kat said it with the same dry tone as I did. It made me think she didn't believe what she said either.

As if on cue, we all got Kik messages. We were all three in the same chat:

Booty_Loops: Sleepover the week after Christmas! My house, January 2nd, b there or b squared. The one we did at Zoe's house was fun and I think we're all long over due for another ;)

It was from Emily of all people! And now that I thought about it, a sleepover was exactly what our little squad needed. I was the first to respond.

Samantha_the_Timelord: I'll be there, but I'm still a circle :P

Booty_Loops: Shut up Sam :P Zo? This was ur idea, u comin?

I almost fainted right there in the hallway when I saw Zoe's response.

emo_swimmer101: yep. Wouldn't miss it for some flying fudge. and Sam, I am not mad at u about Sean. I'll explain everything at the sleepover <3

Samantha_the_Timelord: omg yassss

Ball _is_life: coming

I looked up and smiled at Kat for her extremely understated response. She was positively gleaming with excitement that we were about to get more bonding time.

Taylor_Hemmings_not_Swift1996: me 2!!!!! Cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought Taylor overdid the amount of exclamation points she did, considering her real life reaction which was just continuing at her poor attempt to tie her shoe. That girl really was awkward sometimes. But no exclamation points could convey our excitement when we saw the next response that showed up in a new chat that didn't have Zoe in it.

lil_ratchet6656: I'm coming too. Don't tell zo, I wanna surprise her. I'll explain everything at the sleepove ;) trust Stell

The three of us here at school squealed out loud, right there in the middle of the school. It earned us many annoyed glares from other students, be we couldn't care less. We were finally going to see Stella over Christmas break.

"Hey ladies, I heard you squeal when you saw me walking over, so I decided-"

"FUCK OFF IAN!" We all shouted in unison, before all giggling  in unison. We really are the weirdest group of friends.

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AYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEE guess who just wrote a whole chapter in about an hour? THIS GAL! I'm so excited that I'm finally getting back to the happy parts of the story! Gosh, I love writing so much.

Thanks for reading! Y'all are my world. <3

-SJ