Gold Canary

Part 8

"Well go ahead, now's your chance." I say looking up to give him a hard stare. "I'd love for you to explain why you broke up with me unexpectedly, wanted no contact from me and then started seeking me down as soon as I got over you."

"You're over me?" He stutters.

I ignore the question and wait.

He runs both hands over his face and then places them on his knees as he looks at me directly.

"I'm sorry Aria, everything was going so fast, it just got out of control and people were saying things..." Finn trails off and I just want to strangle him in frustration. That is not an explanation.

"People were saying things..." I prompt. But instead of continuing he sits and looks at me with his puppy dog eyes.

But it's not enough. When is that ever enough?

I didn't even want this conversation but he kept pushing, so no, he doesn't get away with making generalized remarks and then shutting up.

He hasn't always been the best with getting deep and conversing his feelings but he's not my boyfriend anymore and I'm sick of excusing him.

"So that's it, that's all you wanted to say to me. You have been tracking me down for months and that's it." Angrily I stand. "Well that's bullshit Finn!"

He just sits and watches me getting angrier and angrier.

"I'm sorry." He finally blurts out. "People were telling me we were going too fast and then they started telling me stuff about you and I didn't want to believe them at first and I know it's no excuse, but I am sorry and I want you back."

He's speaking so fast I can barely catch what he's talking about.

"Well saying sorry doesn't excuse you for the month I sat with my heart ripped out of my chest waiting for you to tell me it had all been a huge misunderstanding. Waiting for you to tell me that voicemail was some sick prank or explain what the hell had gone wrong to make you treat me so heartlessly."

'It's over Aria don't contact me. Not unless you want me to humiliate you with what I know'. Finn's tone cold and unreachable before the line goes dead.

"You threatened me Finn, why would I ever want to give you a chance now?"

Finn stands and takes a step towards me, hand outreached like he wants to grab me and comfort me, but I'm so angry right now I can feel my pupils dilating and my canines extending ready to fight.

Just thinking about what he did and said to me has the pain of that time in my life rushing back. And with the pain comes the anger, that he finds it so easy to dismiss it with an 'I'm sorry' and excusing it with 'people were talking shit that I listened to'. Not good enough.

"I really am sorry Aria." He continues, taking note of my aggressive stance and softening his approach as not to trigger me in my state.

But I've heard that before and I'm sick of being abandoned like trash when the people I thought I could trust decide to turn their backs on me.

"Not good enough Finn." And with those parting words I take a step back before turning and rushing into the night.

How I wish I could turn right now. Let my wolf take over so that my human concerns are overtaken by the simple needs to hunt, eat and sleep. Not even the usual need for pack connection touches me as a wolf. I am truly isolated to be a lone predator in the night.

Instead I take what pleasure I can from extending my senses to guide me as I run on two legs through the night, attempting to dispel the frustration and anger I feel towards Finn before I do or say something I may regret. Will still have a mission to accomplish and though he may have thought having me here would give him some kind of opportunity to explain himself or reconcile, I know I can't let him continue.

I know I can't let my heart be pulled in and played with again. Because by the time I've run out of the energy to keep chasing my feelings away, I've realized that even though I want to reject his apology with everything I have, it's still made a chink in my armor against him, and I'm curious to work out what exactly was said to him to convince him to doubt us. I know these thoughts and questions indicate an interest to reconcile, and I know that hearing him try to explain himself is one of the reasons I tried my hardest to avoid him the past year. I still want him when I don't and if I let continue to apologize and explain eventually I'll give in.

And giving in is the last thing I want to do.