Life as we know it~ Scirstie

Thirty-Six

Kirstie POV
==
We get in the rental car, and pull onto the highway.

"Traffic. As usual." Scott jokes.

I smile, but honestly traffic is the devil. Joe falls asleep, and it makes me smile. He is so peaceful.

I look back at Scott- and he smiles.

"I love you Kirstie." He smiled.

==
We arrive at Todrick's place, and settle in.

Todrick comes in soon after.

"YASSSS!" Todrick exclaims, picking up Joe, and cradling him.

"OMG GODSON!" He smiles.

I beam, and Scott laughs.

"Hey Todrick." Scott says, and Todrick looks up.

"Ah Scirstie. Missed you both."

He gives us a group hug, and Scott walks into the other room with Joe and Todrick. I smile, and unpack. I look out the window, and frown. LAX- it's great memories, but I did hurt people.

Then- I couldn't breath. I started gasping, and sat down. My heart pounded through my chest- and I couldn't move. It lasts for about a minute- then I realize.

I just had an anxiety attack.

I look up anxiety disorder, and see few things come up.

"It's ok. It's probably a one time affair." I say.

I was dead wrong.

California flew by, and I miss it now looking back.

Once we got home, Scott took Joe upstairs, he seemed a little pensive.

Bam! I couldn't breath. I sat on the couch and took a few breaths.

"He loves you." I reassure.

That night at dinner, Scott did the most talking.

"Darling what's wrong?" He asks.

"Oh nothing. I'm fine." I smile.
I wasn't.

The next morning- I said I was going to the gym. Instead I went to go buy a glass of wine. I mean why not?

I get home and hide it. Scott comes in with bubbly Joe. Joe giggles, and reaches for me.
Scott begins the motion to hand him off the me, and I feel something come over.

"Scott I can't hold him now." I whisper.

He brings Joe closer.

"Scott..." I say.

"SCOTT!" I yell, and he stops in his tracks.

"Kirstie?" Scott asks.

"I need to be alone I'm sorry."

I run to my car, and I can hear Scott calling after me.

Oh no. Scott doesn't love me anymore. Tears stream down my face, and I drive away. I drive all the way to Oklahoma, then turn around and head home. I get home around 3 AM.

"Kirstie?" Scott asks as I walk in.

"I'm sorry-" I whisper.

"You just ran out?" He yelled.

"Scott.." I whisper.

"Kirstie you scared me! Why on Earth would you do something so stupid?" He yells again.

"Scott.." I say.

"KIRSTIE?" He yells.

"GOD DAMN IT IM SORRY!" I yell, and run upstairs.

"Kirstie!" Scott calls after me, but I lock myself in the guest bedroom.

"Kirstie please open up." Scott begs.

"No." I say.

"Kirstie."

"Scott leave me alone!"

I hear him slump against the door, and hear him start singing Gravity.

He talks about the trip to California a year ago- and Joe's second birthday in a month. He talks about the future.

My future is hazy. I want wine- I've been depressed and anxious for a year. I don't know. Might as well end it.

I look out the window- and think of the pool.

I climb out, and walk along the roof. I then slide down the gutter, and hop onto the pool deck. It's wet- because Scott and Joe where playing. I feel the water, and run- and jump.

The water surrounds me. I feel free. I'm going to die and finally be happy.