Fix Me | L.H

My Fault

This chapter is dedicated to ThingsWeDream for being awesome and giving amazing feedback. Also go to her page and check out her book because it is the  best I've read since After.

Btw the song above makes me emotionally unstable...

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It's been a whole seven hours since I first got here. I had to take off and leave Aubri with a ton load of questions that she would, no doubt ask once I got home.

And now I was here, siting on the uncomfortable plastic chair of a hospital. Steve, was inside the room with my mom, speaking to her. I didn't have the guts to see her and declined when they asked if I wanted to speak to her.

If she'd see me once again, she would be disappointed and I couldn't afford that. It's not really that I didn't want to see her, rather that I didn't want her to see me.

I'd made her go through so much trouble already and I didnt want to upset her further. She didn't deserve that.

When Steve had called, Aubri had picked up the phone from the floor and spoke to him. She had written down an address and given it to me, as well as the hospital room number in which my mom was in.

She begged to come but I couldn't have that so I begged her to stay home and wait for me. There was a moment in which I considered her coming here, but that would be too much to ask of her, she was already doing too much by simply having anything to do with me.

The doctor told us the chemo wasn't working, it hasn't been since the second round of it. I was so  angry when he told me this and demanded to see the stupid doctor who was treating my mother, he could try something else, anything ignored to make my mom better. Steve held me back and told me they'd only let me back in if I calmed down, so I did.

The best people, the kindest, and the strongest always get the worst things. Why that is, I will never understand. It's as if God is against the good.

Startling me out of my thoughts, Steve comes out of the room, a dull look on his face. Sleep deprivation is evident on the man's face, making his eyes look sad and putting a frown on his mouth, which would normally be spread into a huge grin. Everything seemed off.

"She really wants to see you Luke." He tells me, giving me pleading eyes.

My mom has always been so stubborn. Maybe thats where I got it from, I've always been distant to Steve and never allowed him to call me son. I preferred to be fatherless, rather than someone try to replace someone who wasn't even worth it either-way. I didn't like it, I didn't have a father since the night the man left. My mother was father and mother to me and even then, I thought Steve was good for my mom, she adored him and I could tell he adored her. It felt good to see her smile again after Steve came into her life. He helped her become the person she wanted to be and should have always been.

After everything, I figured I could at-least be there for my mother. After all it was my fault that father left.

I sighed in defeat and stood, my feet feeling weak from the amount of time I had been siting. Steve smiled at me smugly and put a thankful hand on my shoulder before I went inside the room.

A pang of guilt hit me when I saw her. She had little hair, only a beanie covered her head. I wanted to rip apart the tubes and needles that kept her prisoner on the hospital bed, but that would probably cause security to escort me out and then I'd never get to see my mum. Maybe that would be better, it was also painful seeing her this way, I would have never imagined anything like this, and maybe thats why I treated her so poorly. Her veins showed though her arms which looked thin and frail. I almost dropped to my knees, but I resisted and walked towards her bed, where she lay, her eyes were closed.