Fix Me | L.H

Love

Aubrielle's POV:

Honestly I'm a little hurt that Luke didn't take me, I'd really like to be there for him but I probably wouldn't be of any help since I feel so anxious myself.

For the past five hours I've tried to keep myself busy reading, but reading takes concentration and as much as I tried, I couldn't concentrate. My mind kept drifting to the time Luke and I met.

Thinking back, he seemed so arrogant and hate-full then. If I could go back and tell myself that I would fall for this boy, I wouldn't believe it. It was like it was his plan all along. I knew he looked cold at first but a smile or sound of his was the total opposite, it was enough to melt my insides and eventually make me like him more than a friend likes another.

Luke is good, a little broken, but good. I love Luke.

The word love was nothing to throw around, at least not for me. It comes with everything we fear; commitment, selflessness. Once we're in love and once we finally accept it, we no-longer exist as one, rather than two pieces that can only function with the help of the other. It's a bit scary really, and fear is all I feel now because it's the first time I'm admitting it to myself.

I couldn't lie to myself anymore, I was in way too deep. He had sucked me in and I had fallen in love.

You know how when we're young, we ask how love feels? We have this question nicking at us constantly because no one seems to be able to describe it. Fairy tails say love makes sounds sharper, colors brighter, and you feel butterflies all the time. Other sources say love doesn't exist, its just infatuation. The truth is, when you fall in love and it's real, you'll know. It'll be hard to deny it and you'll try, you'll definitely try, but you'll know you can't. You won't be able to doubt it, you'll just know. You'll know because it wont feel like anything you've felt before. All your other crushes will feel fake and nothing will ever compare to how you feel about this person.

I've asked myself many times, does love even exist? Is it just a feeling, an action, or is it just something man invented as an excuse to hurt someone over and over again?

Love is what you make it. People have many definitions of love. Its everything you want to do when you're in love. You want to learn about the person, learn their fears, flaws, learn the right way to take care of them, their story and learn to love everything they are. You want to give them what you are, let them know what they want to know, be an open book and show them the little secrets nobody knows other than you. The little secrets anyone else would be scared to know, secrets that scare you even.

You become a person you didn't know you were, a person that makes you proud of yourself.

So wether love is just in our brain or if it has to do with our souls, you won't care. It will never matter because it will feel right. It will be something far greater than anyone can comprehend.

That's how I felt with Luke. Like a dream that I never wanted to end. Except that just like a dream, it could all fade away in an instant. He could wake up one day and realize he didn't want to live in this dream anymore. He could decide he deserved a better dream, or that he didn't want to dream at all. All the same, it could be that I was the only one dreaming.

I decide to put the book down and leave my messed up thoughts alone for now. Sleep suddenly felt so appealing.

I yawned and turned off the light, deciding sleep was the best idea I've ever had.