I Need To Change

Chapter 6

I was woken by the sound of my alarm. I laid there for a moment staring up at the ceiling. I still wasn't used to getting up that early and I honestly don't think I ever got used to it. The morning is not for me.

I slammed my hand on top of my clock, hushing it immediately. I scratched my wild, curly hair while sitting up in the bed. I swear, I am not a morning person. If I could sleep the day away, I would.

I climbed out of bed, slipped on my fur slides then made my way downstairs. As I walked downstairs, I couldn't do nothing but think about yesterday. I can't lie, I seen it coming. I knew Ray would ask me now or later. He had been flirting with me since the day I met him and I knew he was feeling me. I was feeling him too, but I honestly wasn't trying to rush anything. I've been through some shitty ass relationships and the last thing I wanted to do is just jump into one. Especially if Ray wasn't serious.

I smiled as I walked into the kitchen, spotting my mama standing by the counter, making her some coffee as my dad sat at the island on his phone. I didn't even know he was there.

"Morning people."I uttered with a smile as I stood on my tippy-toes, grabbing a bowl from the shelve.

"Somebody woke up on the right side of the bed."My mama said with a giggle as she stirred her coffee.

"Yes mam'a. "I stated with a giggle at the end.

Honestly, I was feeling good that morning. I don't know why, but I was. I sat my bowl on the counter then poured me some Lucky Charms in my bowl along with milk. Stuffing my spoon in my bowl, I sat next to my dad at the island. He looked over from his phone at me with a smile.

"So how has this new thing been going for my baby girl? Ya know, the whole signing with Interscope thing?"He asked with a smile.

I smiled too just thinking about it while stirring my cereal. Those few weeks had been amazing.

"It's good. We're getting ready for tour already daddy."

"Your mama told me."He uttered before sipping from his cup.

"I can't believe my baby's about to be gone for almost 4 months. Are you ready for this?"He asked.

I covered my mouth as I chewed on my cereal. The girls and I had been on tour before, but it was only for 2 months. I got a little home sick, but I was good. We had fun too.

"Yeah, I think it's going to be fun and different this time."I admitted with a smile.

Oh, it was foreshore different alright.

My daddy nodded his head while staring down at his hands. I could just tell he was deep in thought because his blue eyes was pretty focused on his hands and that's when I know he's thinking.

"I just want you to know I'm proud of you. I know I'm not here to witness everything and I'm sorry."He uttered, sounding disappointed in himself.

I looked over at him and I could tell he really meant what he was saying. I hated when he sounded so disappointed in himself. Yes, I did used to get upset when I could never spend time with my dad, but I understood. He has a job. He has work to do. It just so happens that his job takes a lot more of his time and I know if he don't do that job, there won't be food on the table. I can't do nothing but accept that.

I can't lie, in that moment I felt bad for him. But sitting here today looking back on this, that man can choke on those words for all I care.

"Pops, don't beat your self up about it. I understand you have work to do and I'm okay with that. Yes, I do get upset when we don't spend time together, but I understand why. I'm just happy your always here when you have the chance to be."I told him.