I Need To Change

Chapter 69

It had been a few days since I was back home. My emotions were still at a high and I was still just trying to get accustom to the news that had changed my life. That had broke my heart. It was hard and I just knew this heartbreak wouldn't be an easy one to get over.

I hadn't seen or spoke to Chres since I got back. I hadn't had the opportunity to see him because Keisha made sure of that. Keisha and management had been trying to keep the two of us away from each other. Making sure Chres was always busy with work so he wouldn't be at the house or having him in a different part of the house whenever I was there. I honestly don't know why I didn't just leave that damn house. Why I didn't move out. We wasn't working at that time, there was nothing going on so I had no reason to be there. Being there just put me into a bad situation and had me feeling worse than ever.

I won't lie, Chres was trying his hardest to talk to me though. He was not letting up. For days he had been blowing my phone up, calling and texting me telling me how sorry he was and how he fucked up. I didn't want to hear none of that. It was too late. He had already broke my heart and there wasn't any coming back from that.

I won't even front though, Iwas still hurt and stuck on that situation. That wasn't something I could just get over because my heart was still there. And because my hurt was still there I still remained in my feelings and not able to get out of them. I had became so angry so quickly. It's like all those sad emotions and all that crying had vanished and now I was plain angry. Whenever I would get on my phone and see Chres I would get angry. Whenever I would see blogs and news source posting articles on the situation I would get angry. Whenever I would think about relationships I would get angry. I was just angry in a whole and I was ready to release that angry. When Chres did that to me it's like it took the last bit of feelings I had left. It took the last bit of my sane thoughts, the last bit of me caring, the last bit of my heart. I now felt like a soulless person. Like I could honestly give a fuck about anyone walking this earth. He had turned me into a monster. He is the one to blame for the change I made.

"Dani?"I heard Jake call out as he laid beside me, catching my attention.

"Mhm?"I said staring at the ceiling, laying there without a feeling in my body.

"You good?"He asked looking over at me. I just nodded my head, loving that he was here with me. I didn't want a soul around me around this time, but Jake was the only one I could tolerate. He was the only one I wanted there.

Jake didn't leave my side the moment he flew in. He's been with me literally every single day since we got back. Every breakdown I've have this past days he's been here to witness and help me. Being my rock per usual.

"You need to eat."Jake said softly.

"I'm not hungry, Jake."I said flipping my wild hair out my face, continuing to lay in my same position. This was the truth. I still had yet to get my appetite back.

"Baby girl, you got to eat."Jake said as he sat up in the bed, throwing his legs over the bed. I sighed, knowing he was right. I just didn't have the desire to eat anything.

"Chipotle?"He let out , glaring over at me. I nodded because I knew I could probably hold that food down on my stomach.

Jake just nodded his head before he leaned over, kissing her my forehead.

"Love you Dee."

"I love you too."I said without hesitation. I watched as he stood, grabbing his jacket from the chair as he slid on his slides. He finally left my room, shutting the door behind him.

I continued to lay there, staring at the ceiling. I just started to think about life. My life and how hectic it was. I had the love of my life cheated on me and had a baby, I had my father being the worst man in my life ever and on top of all of that I was dealing with this shit publicly. Some way some how the blogs found out about my fathers child. They didn't find out about the whole affair with the woman in Vegas, but they found out he cheated on my mother and had a baby out of wedlock. Boy, was they dragging his ass online. And I can't even lie, I was dragging his ass too. Making subliminal post on social media, liking shit and being extra as hell. I can admit today that I was wrong for that and petty . That I shouldn't have took my personal problems with my father to the internet, but at the time I couldn't help it. I was just angry. Angry with life and I was putting my anger on everyone else in the world. I was wearing it on my sleeve for once instead of hiding it.