I Need To Change

Chapter 61

A few weeks had passed already and tour was going off. Each city we hit was lit. Every show was packed out and the energy was amazing in every arena. I was somewhat taken back each night I would step out there and see all those people. Hear all those screams. That was one of those things you just could never get used to. No matter how many times I go out there on that stage, no matter how many times I perform. I still get that high each and everytime I am in front of that audience giving them my all.

Honestly, those few weeks since tour started had me feeling the best I had in a while. I literally felt stressed free. Not arguing with a nigga every bother damn day, not having to walk around a house with half of the people I didn't even liked. Not having to be around that toxic energy. It felt good, I can't even lie. I was taken in each second that passed and was thankful God gave me this time away from all of that. He and so both knew that I desperately needed that.

I took a hit of the blunt, inhaling it as my eyes gazed out at the sky ahead of me. Here I was sitting on the balcony of my hotel room with my girls getting "relaxed" I guess I could say. After what seemed like forever of me hiding this from the girls, I finally came out and told them about the new thing I loved to do. I expected them to be disappointed in me or feel some type of way about me smoking, but little did I know my girls liked to get blazed too. That was something new we all had in common and I honestly don't know why I was surprised by that. We were alike in so many ways. This was just something else we could bond on.

"You know, I was lowkey shook when y'all told me y'all smoke too. I thought y'all was gone be talking about my ass."I admitted with a grin, looking over at my girls as I passed the blunt to Nae. I never feared being open with my girls and letting them know how I feel. That's why our relationship is how it is. We keep it real with each other and never anything different.

"Bitch, who the fuck are we to judge you?"Nae said as she exhaled the smoke from her mouth, clashing her brows.

"Right. We're your girls and the last thing we will ever do is be judging you. Do whatever the fuck you want to and we gone be backing your ass up. Period."Shi admitted making me smile so damn hard. The weed always had my goofy ass extra goofy.

"Plus, there's nothing wrong with a little weed."Gabby added with a grin as Nae handed her the blunt. Yes, Gabby smoked as well. I wasn't surprised by this at all because this matched her whole vibe.

"Nothing at all!"Shi added making us all laugh.

We could hear a knock at the hotel door, catching all of our attention. Gabby quickly put the blunt out, tossing it into the plant pot beside her. We all began to shuffle around looking like damn feigns.

"You girls in here?"Keisha called out.

"Yeah Keisha."I said as the girls and I all fanned our arms. Luckily we were outside because you couldn't smell anything.

We quickly all tried to play it cool, not trying to make it obvious at all. Keisha walked through those doors making us all look at her. She grinned as she looked at each of us.

"What y'all doing?"She asked with a smirk.

"Nothing."We all said in unison. We looked like damn children, it's honestly sad.

No, no one in management knew that the girls and I smoked weed. No one knew about all the parties we would hit and get pissy drunk. They didn't really know about that part of our lifestyle and we tried our hardest to keep them out that part of our life. Even though we all were grown as hell we were in a talented ass group and had an image to keep up. We still had young girls that was looking up to us and we needed to continue to give them something to look up to. I just knew there wasn't much longer I could keep this "good girl" act up. I couldn't continue to be who the media wanted me to be or what management wanted me to be. I needed to be free. I needed to be me.

"You girls are so damn silly."She said with a chuckle as she tapped around on her tablet.

"I just wanted to come and show you girls the outfits for tomorrow nights show."She admitted as she sat in the chair beside me. The girls and I all began to lean in, looking at the image.

"The designer sent me a few pictures earlier. How are you girls feeling them?"

"Ouu I like it."Shi said with a grin looking at the matching custom camouflage outfits they had for us. It was giving me slight Destiny's Child "Survior."tease.

"Yeah, it's definitely a vibe."I added with a grin, loving the looks myself. They fit us each and I was here for it.

"Great, I'm having her bring them over tonight. I just wanted to make sure you girls were good with them."Keisha said as she stood from the chair.

"Well, yeah we love them."Nae spoke for us all.

"Great. I guess I'll see you ladies later. Remember we have to be ready for the seminar by 5."

"We got you Keish."I let out.

We walked her out the hotel room, shutting the door behind her. I didn't waste no time to slide on my slides and head out the hotel room. I was thinking about Jake so I decided to go see him. That's what thing I loved about this tour. I could spend as much time with Jake as I wanted to. I didn't have to worry about anything getting away from that.

Once I made it to his hotel room, I knocked and patiently waited on him to answer him.

"What's up."Jake said with a grin as he pulled the door open for me.

"Hi Jakey."I said with a smile as I hugged him, making him chuckle.

He shut the door behind me as I went right over to his bed, taking a seat.

"So what were you up to?"I asked, looking at him as he laid beside me on the bed.

"Nothing much, just wrapped up this business call."He admitted as he laid with his hands behind his head.

Within those few seconds I found myself getting lost in my thoughts just staring at Jake. I swear, my attention spans is so short when I'm high. We can be talking about one thing and I'll quickly switch the subject or I'll get completely lost on what we were even talking about. But for some reason this night, just looking at Jake had me thinking about our relationship and how much I appreciated him being part of my life.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I just want you to know that."I admitted meaning that with my heart.

"Are you high, Dee?"Jake asked with a chuckle as he sat up on his elbows, looking at me..

"Yes I'm high Jake, but I'm serious."I said with a straight face. I was high, but I would say this same words to him while I'm sober.

"You mean so much to me and I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful God brought you into my life. I'm thankful I get to spend every single day with you. I'm thankful to have you and I love the hell out of you. Seriously Jake."I admitted being the most serious I think I had ever been to Jake.

He just stared at me for a few seconds, not saying a word. I could tell he wanted to say something but was too scared to. He just let out a breath as he pulled me into his arms, holding me tight and kissing my forehand.

"I love you too Dee. A lot."He said leaving us in silence as we just hugged each other.

It's honestly sad it took this tour to make me appreciate Jake on a whole new level. Seriously. It's just this time around was different. I wasn't distracted by any guys or any bs. I wasn't focused on anything that mattered. This tour was totally different. I was surrounded by people who genuinely loved me and have great energy. My mind was clear and I was able to see everything for what it was. That's what made me say this to Jake. I was spending genuine time with my best friend and I cherished that so much. This tour with Jake just brought to realization to me that he's honestly everything to me. And I knew it would break my heart if anything was to ever happen to our relationship.