I Need To Change

Chapter 27

I honestly never felt so stupid and let down in my life. To sit there and pretty much tell a guy I wanted him and for him to shoot me down was a new feeling for me. I never had a guy shoot me down. Ever. What was the craziest thing is Chres expressed his feelings to me and the moment I told him how I felt about him he decides to just let it go.

For that past week Chres acted like what happened that night never happened. He acted as if we didn't share that moment. He acted like he didn't express how he had been feeling about me. He continued on with his life, not bothering to address that. It was awkward for me though. Now that I knew how he felt, I couldn't act like it was nothing. It was something to me.

I ran off stage, out a breath and immediately grabbed a water. Here we were in Mississippi, wrapping up another show. Honestly, tour was wrapping up quicker than I thought. We were pretty much 2 months in tour with one more to go. I was in all honesty ready for tour to end. I know that sounds crazy after how excited I was for it to come, but I was really over it by that second month. That tour had sent me through an emotional journey. I hated the negative energy and I was just over it.

I let out a breath as I headed to our dressing rooms. The girls wanted to stay back to watch the others perform, but I wasn't feeling it. That day was one of those days I just wasn't feeling it. I didn't have an ounce of emotion in my body and I simply just didn't want to be bothered.

When I got to the dressing room, I did a quick shower before changing my clothes into something more comfortable. I made sure to wipe every bit of my makeup off my face and pull my hair up into a bun. I could hear the guys music going which let me know they were performing. I didn't bother going out there to see their performance. I just wanted time for myself.

Just when I thought I was about to relax alone, there was a knock at my door. I sighed, slowly dragging myself to it to open it.

There stood Jake with open arms. He didn't say a word at all, he just held his arms open for me. Seeing him I honestly wanted to smile, but I couldn't find it in me. I just walked into his arms as he wrapped his arms around me tightly. It's like Jake knew when something was off with me. He knew when I wasn't in the mood and he was always there for me. I can't remember a time he wasn't there for me.

"Aw, you alright baby girl?"Jake asked as he kissed my forehead and rubbed my arms.

"I'm not feeling it."I admitted before sighing.

"I can tell, you been acting off all day. What happened?"He stated.

"Nothing, I just haven't been in the mood."I admitted. I couldn't find it in me to tell Jake what happened between Chres and I. One reason being that I was a tad bit embarrassed and the other reason being that I didn't want anybody to know.

"You need to cheer up though Dee, your birthday right around the corner."Jake admitted. It was true, my birthday was a few days away. I guess that's another reason why I was so down. I was missing my family and I usually always have them on my birthday.

"You're right. Can you come with me Jake?"I asked, looking up at him.

"Where?"

"To a tattoo shop."

"A tattoo shop?"He asked with his brows raised.

"Yeah, I want something new."I admitted as I grabbed my bag and phone.

Whenever I am in my feelings deeply and going through something, I always go and get a tattoo. It helps me express myself and get over certain things. Each tattoo on me has a story behind it and is an ending to a chapter in my life. With that chapter of my life, I knew I needed one. I needed to put a stamp on my self to mark this chapter of my life.