Torn

12.

     It was late when I walked up Josh Ramsay's driveway.  All the lights were off and I wasn't even sure if he was home or not.  I didn't know who else to turn to.  Hannah was my best friend, but her advice would be to go get drunk, or something along those lines.  Josh was the nearest and dearest friend that I had.  We had always been there for each other, through the good times and bad.  Through Josh's eating disorders and his addiction to heroin.  I stayed his friend as he went through rehab where others had walked away.  We all battle our own demons, Josh's just happened to be really bad ones that had the potential to kill him.  He lived here in Vancouver, but had flown in to go to prom with me.  Now if that isn't a true friend, I don't know what is?  Since now was one of the bad times for me, I desperately needed to talk to him.

     Josh was in a band named Marianas Trench.  They were signed with 604 Records and one of the reasons I got the internship.  Josh put in a good word for me.  Hey, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do!  It gave me more time to hang out with him, which was a bonus, as well as get my foot in the door in the music industry.  I was no singer, but I thought that perhaps in the future I could write music.  Poems and songs are very similar with the expression of emotion.  It was worth a shot.

     I took a deep breath as I stepped up onto the porch.  The odds of Josh being home were probably slim to none.  I rang the doorbell and waited.  I could hear barking from the other side of the door.  I could picture Josh's black lab, Bennie, excitedly announcing my arrival.  She was a beautiful and super sweet dog.  I loved to sit on the couch, with her head in my lap, and just pet her.  

     I was about to start home when the porch light came on.  The front door opened and Josh's handsome face appeared.  He smiled at and pushed open the screen door.  His blue and black hair was done messily, as if he had just rolled out of bed.  His crystal blue eyes held my gaze and his smile turned from that to a look of concern.

     "What happened?"

     My own blue eyes filled with tears.  "You know me so well."  I looked down at my light blue running shoes.  "I broke up with Darry.  He has been cheating on me for the last few months."

     For a moment Josh said nothing.  Then he opened the door wider, took my hand, and led me inside.  His hand felt reassuring in mine.  Bennie nudged my legs with her nose, so I dropped Josh's hand and I gave her a good scratch behind the ears.  Dogs were simple.  You loved them and they loved you back, no questions asked.  Why couldn't people love as perfectly as dogs could? 

    I looked up at Josh.  He was a whole foot taller than me.  For the first time since he answered the door, I realized that Josh was only wearing a white bath towel.  Blood rushed to my cheeks and I bit my lip, looking quickly away and at the floor.

     "He is a fool."

     Josh's voice brought me back.  "I really thought that he loved me, you know?  I honestly believed him when he told me that he did."  I whispered.  For a moment I thought that I had said it too softly and that he had not heard me at all.

     "I love you."

     My head snapped up.  I looked deep into his loving blue eyes.  He said nothing more.  He slowly reached out his hand and once again took mine.  

     "There is something that I have to show you."  Josh led me down the hall to his recording room.  I stopped in the doorway and watched as he crossed the floor in quick, easy strides.  He picked his lap top up off of the table and turned it on.  As it came to life, his background flashed onto the screen.  It was a picture of him and I before he left on his last tour.  We were hugging and I was teary eyed and a complete mess.  I felt my breath catch in my throat.  As quickly as the image appeared, it disappeared, only to be replaced with Josh's documents.  I moved closer and looked around him at the screen.  What I saw next, made a chill run right through me.