Torn

24.

     I slammed my apartment door closed behind me and leaned heavily against it and sighed.  What was wrong with me?  How could I possibly be doing this to my boyfriend and my best friend?  Guilt was making my stomach turn.

     Mike was my friend!  What on earth had possessed me to act like that?  Over the last couple weeks I had found myself confiding in Mike a lot.  He had been there through the accident and the attack.  He saved my life.  He listened to me and cared for me.  That was not to say that Josh didn't, because god knows that he did, he just wasn't there through it all.  That was my fault too.  I told him to stay home.  I chose to walk alone.  I threw my hands up in exasperation.  

     I needed to call Mike.  I had to see him and make things right between us.  I couldn't just leave things the way that they were.  I took a deep breath and dialed the number.

     "Hello, Mike's phone,"  Ian's voice filled my ear.

     "H-hey Ian.  Ummmm...."  I was so caught of guard I forgot what I was doing.

     "Hey Mila.  You looking for Mike?"  His voice held a questioning note.

     "Yeah, is he around?"  I held my breath.  Why did Ian have Mike's phone?

     "Yeah he got in a few minutes ago.  We are all at Josh's for a meeting.  He is around here somewhere...  Just hold on a sec.  MIKE!!!  MIKE! PHONE!  IT'S MILA!"

      Great!  Just great.  Now Josh knows that I'm calling Mike and wonder why.  Well, I guess I would just have to worry about explaining that one later.

     "Hello?"  Mike said, a questioning tone in his voice.

     "Hey Mike, it's me.  I need to see you.  It's really important.  We need to talk."  I felt my pulse pounding.  My heart thudded so hard in my chest that it felt as though it might come bursting out at any moment.

     "Where do you want to meet."  His voice was cool, detached.

     "Down at the Sea Wall?"

     There was silence on the other end.  I was afraid that he would say no.  

     "I will text you when the meeting is over and then I will meet you."

     That was it.  He hung up.  Even before the screen on my phone went dark, I was already beginning to doubt if I was doing the right thing.  That's the funny thing about impulses, you realize what you should have done when it is far too late to do anything about it.  

     I looked in the mirror.  How could that be me when I felt so very different from the girl I saw?  I don't know how long I stood there, lost in thought.  My phone chirped, signaling a text.

     "Leaving"

     I grabbed my coat and headed out to meet Mike.