Torn

25.

     Mike was already sitting down by the water's edge when I arrived.  The mere sight of him sitting there made my heart skip a beat.  Without thinking, I walked up behind him and wrapped my arms around him. 

     Mike reached around and pulled me into his arms.  I sat in his lap and lay my head on his shoulder.  We sat there, wrapped up in each other's arms, for what felt like an eternity.  

     "We can't keep doing this."  Mike whispered, as he softly kissed my forehead.  His fingers trailed the soft skin of my collar bone.

     "I know."  I said quietly, brushing my lips against his jaw.  Tears sprang into my eyes.  At that moment, I realized that this was more that just a weird crush on a friend.  I was falling in love.

     He gently brushed the tears off my cheeks with his thumbs.  His brown eyes mirrored the exact same sadness that I was feeling inside.

     "Mike, I... I think that I am falling in love with you.  I'm not sure that I can just turn those feelings off."  I sniffled and rubbed my eyes.

     He nodded.  "I know.  I'm falling for you too."

     I looked deep into his eyes.  "What are we going to do?  We can't just keep sneaking around like this.  I love Josh, I do.  I don't want to hurt him.  And, if I'm not mistaken you still love Hannah.  Am I right?  We can't just shut our feelings off."

     Mike leaned back and sighed.  "I do love Hannah.  That is what it making this whole thing so difficult.  I don't want to hurt her anymore than you want to hurt Josh.  Hell, I don't want to hurt Josh either!  He is one of my best friends.  Do you know how that makes me feel?  I feel like the world's biggest ass for doing this to him.  But at the same time, the thought of not being able to have you, well, it kind of kills me."

     I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.  I never realized until then, just how much I needed Mike.  I wanted to be with him.  To stay up late talking and wake up early and talk some more.  I wanted him to want me as much as I was wanting him.

     Mike sat up straight and pulled me closer.  I sat on his lap, looking deep into his eyes.  Slowly, Mike lowered his lips to mine.  His hand caressed the back of my neck and held me close.  Our kisses deepened and became more passionate.  I clung to his jacket, not feeling like I was as close as I needed to be.  His arms held me tight and a soft sigh escaped his lips.  I bit my bottom lip and watched as his eyes traveled over my body.  He smiled and lovingly brushed a strand of hair away from my face.  Nothing else seemed to matter.  All I wanted was to stay locked in that moment forever.

     I shivered and snuggled closer.

     "Do you want to get out of here?  Go to your place?"  Mike asked, softly.

     I didn't trust my voice enough to answer so I just nodded.  

     Mike stood up, taking me with him.  I laughed as he held me in his arms, beaming.  He set me down and kissed my forehead.  I smiled and laced my fingers with his.  Without another word we headed for home.