A Different End

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Bella Swan's Point of View

Every day is the same.

Sure I could tell you that yesterday I got a call from Charlie, and today I didn't, but still. It's all the same. I'm tired. I'm tired of going to work, cleaning my apartment for no one, and of course crying myself to sleep and waking up to the sound of my own voice screaming. It's been 5 years. 5yearssince Edward left me.

At first it was hell, for both me and Charlie. The first week was the worst. I didn't talk, I didn't move. I was nothing. And then I pulled myself together somewhat and did what I needed to do. I went back to school, I talked when spoken to, and I ate and slept. But the nightmares haunted me. And they still do till this day.

After months of depression, I got a little better. Jacob Black, he became my friend. And over time he was my best friend. I wasn't okay, but I was getting better. I found the will inside me to smile and laugh even a little. And it felt good, for awhile. For awhile.

And then he broke up with me, I guess, telling me that we couldn't be friends. I went back to my depression, but it was worse. What scared me was that I was so numb.

After a week Charlie had forced me to move with my mother in Florida. And this time I went. Renee had tried to help me, and that was when I had slapped myself back to reality. I was so ashamed and so selfish. By how I was acting I was hurting Renee, hurting my own mother, the woman that I took care of all these years. And now, I was-I was causing her pain. I couldn't do that. I wouldn't.

So I put on a show. A real show. I practiced smiling in the morning, I listened to music, I paid more attention to my surroundings, and I mademyself really okay. At first, I changed myself; I changed how I walked and how I dressed. Surprisingly I found some little joy and satisfaction in shopping by myself, though. I started to fix myself up every day, and I figured out how to wear heels without falling flat on my face. And then I found another distraction.

School.

Saying that I didn't excel would go from modest and to stupid. I poured myself into my studies willing my mind to work out headache equations and reading a number of pieces of Literature and stories, working out how the story was pieced together, grammar wise. Though, I had swallowed back the sick when I read romance novels.

Anyway, I passed my CATs with ease and I pulled off by getting the highest score in the senior class. I was kind of proud of myself. So were my parents.

After that I got a scholarship to Dartmouth, and there I continued to study Literature, taking courses, and classes. My dorm mate had taken bets when I would pass out from the stress or exhaustion. I had lots of work, essays, with projects and etc.

I was alright, in one sense. My mom and dad were so proud of me and happy for me, so that made feel better about myself, and I was alright. It felt good, to make them feel that. I graduated with degrees in Literature …. I succeeded in distracting myself from the pain and hurt. The constant pain of being betrayed, of being alone, and of being lied to.

The both of them, they both promised never to leave me, and they lied. They both left not caring, not wanting me. They chose something else. Jacob chose his friends while Edward chose everything over me.

After I graduated I spent a couple days with my Dad, before moving into an apartment in Port Angeles. I had asked my Dad not to tell, anyone of course, I didn't need nor want to face Jacob, not like he would care.

I had gotten a job writing articles for a local and popular new paper. It paid well and I was able to get through the bills and treat myself to a couple of new clothes. And with my unused collage fund I was able to fix up my apartment real nice. However when no one was watching I would still hurt.