what if.....?(girlxgirl)

im sorry

Yani

I find Zoey sitting on the jungle gym of a abandon park. She has her knees drawn up to her chest and her hair falls over her face like a curtain. I climb the jungle gym and sit next to her. I move her hair and I see her eyes closed and tears falling down her cheek. She looked vulnerable and broken I've never seen her like that. I reach out to touch her and she moves away. It hurts a little. I let her quiet it out she is a silent crier. I try to touch her a second time a little while later.

"Please don't reject my touch i want to comfort you Zoey I'm not going to hurt or judge you. I love you please don't push me away" I say close to tears a little bit. she look up at me and leans over and lies her head on my laps. I run my hands through her waves. She is still crying. I hate seeing her so broken. We sit in silence for a while but then she lifts off my lap. I wipe her tears away.

"You okay?" I ask.

"being okay left my dictionary a long time ago come with me I wanna show you something" she says and hops off the jungle Gym. She lifts her arms to catch me. I jump and she does. I hold her hand and walk with her.

"So uhm do you want to talks about it or no?" I ask nervously.

"We should talk about it" she says. Her eyes are really sad.

"Okay whenever you ready." I say.

"where do I start um so as you probably figure out I left out things about my childhood I didn't mention my teen hood" she says.

"Yeah I kind of figured that out before today and start from the beginning" I say.

"Okay well uhm my mom had developed alcohol addiction before I was born she stopped while she was pregnant with me but once I could drink out a bottle she went back drinking. I saw her sober once and that was when I was 7 years old. Me and her argued a lot. My sister and I never got along because she would always ignore the issue and deny it. My mother was a prostitute after I was born because me and Ryan have to same dad. My mother would go out all night sometimes leave for days at a time" she says.

"So as I got older more aware I was of how fucked up my home life was.Uhm when I turned 10 my sister Tammy started drifting off and becoming more distant at the age of 11 I saw my sister shoot up for the first time and my mom had sex with some guy in front of me that same night so officially my childhood was over. My brother started selling drugs to keep up with the rent and making sure I had food on the table teenage years ended when I was 14 my mom started dating this guy who......" she trail off and fight back tears

"He uhm started hitting my mom in front of me and then he raped my mother and made me watch"

"Oh god Zoey I'm sorry" I say crying.

"I'm not done uhm he got bored with my mom and started abusing my sister who let it happen because he paid her and provided her with her heroin. My sister moved away and lived with her boyfriend who was also a shoot up addict to.Uhm my moms boyfriend that abused us was named Ben uhm he started turning his attention to me. I would be in the shower and he would watch me or make me undress in front of him. He touched me a lot and not in a fatherly way. I didn't tell my brother because I knew my brother would freak out and go to jail he was all I had I couldn't do that."

"baby you don't have to keep going if you don't want too."I say.

"No you have a right to know what your really falling in love with" she says

"You mean who" I say .

"No I mean what" she says.

"so one night when I was 14 and I had got back home from a late game . I got in my shower and went to my room it was quiet so I assumed my mom and her man were out. I went to my room and he was sitting on my bed with his pants off. and he didn't give me a chance to scream before he slammed me on my bed and gripped my neck with his hand he uhm tried to get off my underwear and he kissed me I remember it tasted like whiskey and cigarettes. I managed to kick him between his legs and I ran in my brothers room and got his gun. I heard that bastard get up and run after me. I met him halfway and pulled the trigger the draw back was unexpected. I realize had shot him in his leg which made him cave in and fall he holds his body up using the wall. I walked up to him and put the gun to his heart and pulled the trigger again and his body went limp and slid down the wall. My mom came in and started crying. She said she would call the police and report me if I didn't her house I ran out the house and dropped the gun in a sewage. i ran to Donny house and climbed through his window I was still shaken up and I told him what happen my mother reported me they took me to court the case was dropped when they saw how much abuse we went through but dumbly they didn't remove me from the house they keep me there" she says looking down.

"Baby I'm so sorry you had to go through that" I say.

"Then I sprawled down hill I started fighting all the time I started disrespecting my teachers destroying school property. I was noticed by the Mafia lords one day I was going home after school and Mickey walked with me and was said if I needed something Mafia lord had my back I didn't believe it till these girl tried to jump me and a few Mafia lords came in and helped me fight them off. I started hanging out with them and one night they took me clubbing I got all the women I wanted I had money drugs all of it and One day Gina said that could be every night of my life if I became one of them I needed a escape from my house nd a vent for my emotions so I used the gang I was already cold hearted to the killings didn't bother me."" she say. I just stare at her in shock my baby been through so much. i kiss her and hold her till she has let all her emotions out.

"I love you Zoey" i say looking in her eyes.

Zoey

*I love you Zoey"she says I can tell she means it. I hate I can't tell her back I wasn't ready to talk about Jessica. She hugs me for a long time.

"Wanna go back to pick up everyone and leave" she ask. I frown.

"No let's go back I'm not going to let her ruin things" I say and I wasnt.

"baby what did your sister say that made you snap" Yani asks

"She said she needed me to loan her so money and I said no she said I was always there for you why can't you be there for me." I say with disgust on my throat. she kisses me.

"Baby I'm not sure how to get back to the house" she says. i smile

"Its my old neighborhood I'll show you" I say.