The Story of US

Chapter 34

Dean awoke with a start when he was suddenly soaking wet. Jerking up into a sitting position his head gave an almighty throb and the world tilted on its axis. His stomach was doing some kind of wild dance and he just barely made it to the bathroom. He was dying, this is what dying felt like, Dean was sure of it.

" You really are a piece of work, you know that right?" a voice that Dean had not expected to hear asked him.

"Charlie...go away" Was all he could manage before a fresh round of dry heaves took over him.

" I most certainly will NOT go away Dean Winchester. You need someone to kick your ass and we are all agreed that it should be me. What the hell man? You go bonkers and then make a statement like you did and then left! You left and we all panicked. You should feel like ass right now and I am in no way sorry that you are hugging the toilet right now. Twas a very shitty move and you know it." Charlie scolded him, the whole time getting a cold washcloth for his head. She was mad as a hornet at him, but she also loved him dearly.

Handing him the washcloth she then leaned against the doorframe while he pulled himself together. He had lost all his privacy privaleges when he pulled that stunt last night.

Dean recovered and then brushed his teeth, glaring at Charlie who just smiled at him. Damn she was infuriating sometimes. Finishing up he followed her out of the bathroom and into the little spare bedroom.

"So what, you rode up with Sammy just to give me a hard time? I don't need any help feeling like an ass, I am doing fine on my own there. " Dean said as he sat on the edge of the bed and rubbed his temples.

"Dean, " Charlie started as she sat beside her friend on the bed, " We came to get you to come home hun. You can't run away from this. From Castiel. Dean, his heart is breaking right now and he doesn't deserve that. You love him, he loves you, you both can work together to figure this Crowley thing out. Just come back with us."

Dean knew that she was trying her best but this was not something he wanted to talk about sober, much less hungover. He didn't want to snap at her but he couldn't do this right now.

" I appreciate it Charlie, I really do, but I am not gonna change my mind." was all he told her as he got up and walked out of the bedroom. He knew Sammy was here and he wanted to let him know to back off before he built up to much steam. Sammy on a crusade was almost impossible to stop when he got in stride.

True to form, Sammy was in the sitting room with Jess and Bobby. Dean walked in, followed by a disgruntled looking Charlie. Glaring at Bobby, Dean turned to his little brother and just shook his head as he passed them on his way to the kitchen. He loved them for trying but he just couldn't explain it without sounding crazy. He knew that it didn't sound logical to his friends, but they hadn't been there with Crowley. Dean KNEW he wasn't lying about what he did to Cas and in the end that was Deans fault. He was always so careful not to broadcast his relationships, but he had been blinded with Castiel. There was nothing that could ever take away what happened to Cas because of Dean and he had to live with that guilt forever.

Trying to put off the conversation as long as he could, Dean dawdled in the kitchen, standing in front of the open fridge but not really seeing anything inside. After about ten more minutes of just wandering around, Dean finally went into the sitting room. As much as he loved them all, they were not smooth, going silent as soon as he walked in like they hadn't just been talking about him. Taking a place on the couch next to Charlie, Dean leaned in, his elbows resting on his knees and spoke to the entire room.

" I know you guys are here to try and get me to go back, but I just can't. I want you all to understand this. I can't go back and look Castiel in the face. Guys, I am the reason he was hurt to begin with and as much as you want to try and argue that, you can't. He never would have been hurt like that if he hadn't been with me. It nearly killed me when he woke up with no idea who I was, but I was lucky enough to get a second chance with him, but this, this I can't get past. I can't see the disappointment in his eyes looking at me. He is everything to me and I just have to be gone. He deserves a good, happy, safe life without a constant reminder of his bad decisions walking around him all the time, cause I know I am not strong enough to be close to him but not with him. I know you all will want to try and change my mind, but save your breath. I can't go back, it would make us both miserable and he deserves better than that. Better than me."

Dean paused, fighting the tears that wanted to fall more than anything, but he had to finish this. Taking a deep breath he continued.

" So please, if you really wanna help or be there for me, then just do that. Don't try and get me to go back. Lets just pretend its a weekend away at Bobby's and have a good time. Please, just give me a break this one time." he plead.

He was so defeated that not one person could argue with him.