The Story of US

Chapter 23

Panicking he looked around, desperate to see Meg so he could use her as a shield. A small crowd was starting to gather, having noticed the apparent standoff between them. Dean wasn't exactly being helpful, he was standing there just staring at him. Feeling kinda like a deer caught in the headlights he was unsure if he should go forward or turn back. What the hell?

Crossing the few steps between them he extended his hand to the frozen man.

" Hello. I'm Castiel. " he said with only a slight shake in his voice. Dean looked at him hard and in such a way that Castiel was beginning to regret this whole damn thing when finally Dean took his hand and shook it.

"Dean" was all he said letting his hand slide slowly from Castiels. Once free from contact Dean shoved his hands in his pockets and continued to stare at him. The crowd had simply not had enough, more and more people were coming over to find out what was going on and Castiel could feel his breathing pick up. It had been awhile since he'd had a panic attack but he knew all to well that one was heading his way. His eyes were darting around the crowd that was still building when Dean stepped closer and said quietly

"Cas are you okay? Do you need to get out of here?" His voice full of concern and compassion flooding his green eyes. Castiel felt a wave of gratitude wash over him as he nodded and allowed Dean to place a hand on his back to lead him away from the nosy onlookers. Dean guided him away from the crowd and soon he found himself in the makeshift parking lot, alone with his beautiful stranger.

"Thank you" Castiel said

"Are you okay? I can take you home if you need me to." Dean volunteered, genuine concern lacing his voice. He really had the most beautiful green eyes, Castiel thought to himself before answering him.

"I'm fine, thanks. I, uh, came with Meg so I probably should just go find her. Thank you for the offer though and the save back there. " He was chickening out, he had Dean right in front of him, the object of all his questions and he was turning and running away. Before he could take a step Dean had reached out and lightly grabbed his wrist.

"Wait. Please. Wait. " he said.

Castiel looked from the hand on him back to the face it belonged to. He could feel the heat coming off Deans skin from where he touched him and thought of course he's hot. Literally.

"I don't mean to be rude but why are you here? Its not really your scene." Dean asked him. Castiel debating on lying and blaming Meg for his being here but he suddenly had a surge of courage and decided to go with the truth.

"I wanted to see you." He told him. Castiel could see the flash of hope in Deans eyes and hated having to crush that.

" I still don't remember anything from before. I'm sorry. I just, I have a box full of pictures of you and us in my apartment, and I can't seem to learn much about myself from the before time that's not somehow intertwined with you. I know it seems horribly selfish to just show up but I don't know, I don't know  anything about you and that feels wrong. You were obviously important to me." The words fell from Castiels mouth in a rush, as if a damn had broken and released what had been on his mind for weeks.

Dean stood there for a moment, the nodded.

"Okay, what do you want to know? " he asked, not angry but you could see the light in his eyes shift.

Castiel realized he had never actually thought this through to the point where he talked to Dean. In one fell swoop every question he'd been dwelling on had vanished so he said the first thing that came to his mind. It was truly the only question that mattered.

"Are you okay?"

Dean looked at him, eyes searching for anything to latch onto.

"Well, if someone had told me this morning that I'd be standing here with you tonight I would have told them how it wouldn't bother me a bit. That I'd wish you well and walk on." He broke his gaze and looked down to the ground.

"Now that you are really here I don't really know how I feel. I mean on one hand I am calm and I know your heads still broke so I know that we are still over. On the other hand you are really here and I want to touch you and kiss you and tell you how much I've missed you, but I know I'm not supposed to say any of that. I'm not sure if that answers your question or not"

Castiel wanted his memories back more than anything in the world. This beautiful man was saying beautiful things to him, and while they did make him feel things they weren't meant for him. At least not this version of himself.

"I'm such a stupid man. I'm sorry. I never should have come. It was a selfish thing to do." Castiel said, he did regret coming here but not for the reasons he thought he would. He wanted to be the person that Dean was missing but he wasn't. The black hole in his memory was sucking at him with confusion mixed with mild hysteria. Dean stepped forward and without thinking wrapped his arms around Castiel. Embracing him fully he began to take slow, deep breaths

"Breathe. Castiel just breathe with me." Dean said softly. Castiel gripped at his jacket and Dean tightened his hold. "Shhhhh, just breathe. Its okay. You're safe." Castiel listened to the sound of his voice, warm and raw as he matched his breathing with Deans. His mind was moving ninety  to nothing and the tears slipped out before he could stop them. Before he could stop it, Castiel was crying full out and he just kept repeating " I don't know you. I want to know you"

Still breathing deeply, Dean stroked his hair and whispered to him " I know you baby, it'll be okay." 

He began to relax into him and his mind was clearing. Too tired to really feel the embarrassment, he allowed Dean to comfort him.

"Cas listen to me. I am better okay. I was angry for awhile but I'm better now. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did back there but seeing you took me off guard. I didn't mean to upset you. " Dean told him. Castiel allowed himself one more moment in his arms before pulling away.

"Its okay Dean, I knew coming here was probably not a good idea but I came anyways. I'm sorry, I should have planned this out better.I just wanted, I don't know. I just wanted to see you and talk to you and see if anything happened." Castiel told him. 

"Don't apologize, Cas, I know you don't remember me and I can't imagine what that must be like, but I will help you in anyway that I can. Just tell me what you need from me and I will do it." Dean told him and you would have to be deaf, dumb and blind to hear the love that was flowing from his voice. Castiel knew it was probably a bad idea, he didn't want to hurt this beautiful man but he couldn't resist the pull he felt towards him anymore.