Begin Again

Chapter 5

Do you have to make me feel like there’s nothing left of me?

                                                                               Skyscraper- Demi Lovato

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Sitting down on a rock I put my head in my hands trying to get my thoughts together. It's not that Zayn said or did anything wrong; the possible flirting wasn't the problem, Jarrod was. Every time I can feel myself opening up something happens to remind me of him and I instantly close off. I felt awful for storming off like that but everything just became so closed in and claustrophobic.

Feeling a shadow over me I looked up to see Ali. "Are you alright Ash? Zayn shouldn't have said that to you, I'm sorry." She sat down putting her arm around me. Droplets of water from her wet hair ran down my back as she rested her head on mine.

"It's nothing Zayn said, it's Jarrod." I breathed leaning against Ali. "Every time I think things are going to get better something reminds me."

"Oh Ash." Ali cried hugging me tighter. I allowed my body to collapse against hers as she stroked my hair soothingly. After everything that has happened she was always the one to comfort me and on occasion was more like a mother than a best friend. I knew I could trust her with anything.

"It feels like he'll never really be gone." I whispered voicing my deepest fear. I hadn't admitted this to anyone before, afraid that saying it would make it even more real.

"He will never hurt you again I swear. I know it's hard but it will get better, Ash, I promise." Ali insisted wiping my tears before standing up. "Come on, let's go back. I kind of owe Zayn an apology."

"Why, what did you say to him"' I asked fearing the worst. Ali had become fiercely protective over me in the recent months so I could only imagine what she would say/do to someone she thought had upset me.

 "I might have accused him of being the reason you were so upset." Ali revealed cringing slightly.

"Oh." I giggled thankful that she hadn't said anything too bad.

"I know. But one minute you were talking and the next you were gone. I just assumed it was something he said." Ali admitted.

"We've really got to do something about this protective streak of yours Al." I joked seeing our group come into sight.

"I know but I did nothing about Jarrod so I feel like I owe you one." Ali explained sadly.

I knew Ali still blamed herself for not picking up on what was really going on between Jarrod and I. But I didn't blame her at all, I just got really good at hiding the truth.

Zayn looked up nervously as we made it to the towels. The worry disappeared from his face as Ali smiled at him and told him she was sorry.

"Do you know what, I really fancy some ice cream." Niall pondered looking up from the magazine he was reading.

"Yeah same." Louis piped up grinning at Zayn wickedly. I could just see where this one was going.

"I'm not going to get your ice creams." Zayn protested realising what the boys were getting at.

"I think you are." Harry disagreed pulling Ali into his arms. "You're the reason we lost the volleyball match earlier so I reckon you need to be punished."

"And paying for dinner isn't punishment enough?" Zayn replied.

"Nope." Liam chided.

"Fine but you'll get what your given." Zayn surrendered pulling a t-shirt on.

"I'll help you." I offered feeling like I owed it to Zayn after the way I reacted earlier. Besides, it wasn't fair that he had to carry all the ice creams by himself.

"No don't, Ash, I want to see him struggle." Harry objected an evil look spreading across his face.

"You guys are mean." I ended walking after Zayn ignoring the protests.

"You really don't have to help me, I can manage." Zayn declared as I caught up with him.

"I'm sure you can."  I quickened my walk to keep up with his long strides. "But I feel like I owe you for earlier. I'm sorry for walking off like that it was rude of me."

"Don't worry about it." Zayn assured me as we walked up the steps to the ice cream van.

Five minutes later we had selected the ice creams and were making our way back to the others when Zayn spoke. "I meant what I said, if you want to go in the sea I would keep you safe."

I pushed Jarrod's voice away my smile strained as I replied. "Thanks but I don't think that will happen any time soon."

"Why are you afraid of the sea? If you don't mind me asking." Zayn asked juggling the ice creams to prevent them from melting.

"To be honest I don't really know." I answered stumped by his question. I had always been afraid of the sea but had never really questioned why. "I guess its that feeling of being out of control and not knowing what's out there."

"Fear of the unknown." Zayn finished as we reached our towels. I went to reply but was interrupted by the rush for first dibs on the ice creams.

After handing the ice creams out Zayn and I sat on the only free towel at the edge of the group. Our section of the beach was silent as we all ate our ice creams quickly before they had a chance to melt.

"Mmmmmn that was delicious." I announced finishing my white chocolate magnum.

"I can see." Zayn joked smiling.

"What do you mean?" I asked puzzled.

"You've got some on your face." He pointed out handing me a tissue. .

"Oh." I mumbled hastily wiping my face feeling embarrassed. "Gone?"

"Nope." Zayn smiled. He leant forwards wiping his finger gently on the tip of my nose; my skin tingling under his touch. "That's better."

"Thanks." I started before Elle interrupted us all.

"I think it's time we headed back to the apartment to get ready if we are eating at seven." She announced packing her stuff up.

The boys remained where they were as Ali and I followed Elle's lead. I wrapped my earphones around my iPod shoving it in my bag along with my sun cream.

"So, I'll see you at seven then?" Zayn spoke staring at me intently. Does he have to look at me like that? I can literally feel myself go weak under his gaze, something I have not felt for many years.

"Yeah and don't forget to bring plenty of money." I teased grabbing my towel and waving goodbye to the boys.

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Authors Note:

Hey guys

So I hope you are enjoying the story so far but if not please stick with it as I have so many things planned for it.

The weather in England is soo hot right now (32 degrees Celsius today) and I am absolutely loving it. It takes a lot for me to feel warm so this weather is perfect for me. I wrote this chapter sitting outside under our gazebo and I swear to god when I shut my eyes it felt just like I was on the beach in Spain.

Anyways enough rambling.

Read. Review. Enjoy.

Much Love xx