Unexpected Nerd

Page 30; I'm here.

a/n: please listen to sad songs before you proceed reading. I recommend Gravity by Sara Bareilles or by Jessica jung. Or Taeyeon If. After you plays a sad song then you can proceed. Or clicked on the speaker icon if you saw. Enjoy! (pls wait for the music to play then you proceed xD

***

"Where is she?" He asked. I look up. I gather my courage.

"She said, she miss you so much. And she regrets not saying that she loves you last time." I can feel my voice cracked a bit. Hoping that he won't heard it, I inhaled as much oxygen I can to prevent me from crying. He waits patiently for my answer.

I stand back a few steps. "I know this is ridiculous. And I know you would not believe whatever nonsense I'm going to say." I hold my breath for a while. Then released it again. I told myself not to be too emotional but my emotions betrayed me.

"Your girlfriend is here in this school. She's even with you in this very moment. She was about to cry but she hold everything back, seeing her boyfriend trying to act tough wants to make her laugh but she can't. She wants to keep a tough front so that she's equal to you." My breath quicken. My hands sweat a lot than usual. This is more frightening than a stage fear.

"Your girlfriend, Go Eunchae, is standing right in front of you. The one who gave you the journal. The one who cried when she realised who you are to her. After so long, she remembered you. She recovered from her amnesia. She feels terrible for not remembering you at the very least." I stopped for a while. "I'm sorry, Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun."

He looks at me with wide eyes. He couldn't believe what I said, I knew. "No. You can't be her. She died in a plane crash! She--" He looks at me. "I don't believe--"

"Me. You don't believe me and I knew that. Of course." I laughed weakly. "I knew you would think this is nonsense, and too much for you to handle. But I don't regret the decision I made to let you know." I walked a few steps back. I laughed, but I cried at the same time.

"It's okay." I mumbled. "It's okay if you don't trust me. I won't force you to trust me. Because you don't force me to open up to you and you waited patiently, till this day." I look up to study his face. His tears are flowing down like mine. "Byun Baekhyun, I miss you, you idiot shortie. You liar. Your hand is not cold that time."

"I'm sorry." I said, my legs walked towards the door. It feels heavy, like it didn't want me to leave. I opened the door and wanted to leave. I wanted to run to him and hit him as much as I can. I wanted to scream at his face. But instead of doing all those, I walked out. It's hopeless. He won't trust me.

I wipe my tears. Now, I feel like losing something and that affects me so much.

***

She walked out before I could called her name. It's such a easy thing to do but my voice won't come out. I hate myself. I look at the journal that lies on my desk. Her words echoed in my ears.

Byun Baekhyun, I miss you, you idiot shortie. You liar. Your hand is not cold that time.

Now it feels like I was slapped so hard. Her last sentence gets to me, bringing back the scene back then. I covered my face that are now wet from the tears. I couldn't stop her before. And I couldn't stop her today too. I'm repeating the same mistakes twice. She said she's a terrible person. She didn't realised that I'm more worse than her.

It feels painful. The pain I feel back then when I lose her. It's coming back. I chocked myself while I was crying. I want to throw everything off, and break everything in front of me. I can't get rid of the frustration I feel.