Crush Shalex - Alex Dorame x HeyThereImShannon (girlxgirl) {Discontinued}

Chapter 41 - Johnnie

~TRIGGER WARNING~
This chapter is worse than anything else i've written in this book, it contains self harm, and self harm/suicidal/eating disorder thoughts as well as a panic attack.

(Johnnie's POV)

I'm not your love. Leave me alone. ~ Johnnie

I reply, sulking. I knew he wouldn't leave me alone. He never does. I don't understand. Why me. I hear my phone buzz almost immediately, but i'm already up, running over to the trash can besides my desk, throwing up again. This was the third time in the last 30 minutes and I feel like I need to pass out. I knew what Chris was capable of, and it scared me. So bad. It scared the absolute shit out of me.

Wiping my mouth, I walk back to the corner, sitting down and reading the recent text I had gotten from Chris.

What do you mean love? You don't like me anymore? ~ Chris

I resisted the urge to throw up, even though I felt as if I needed to so badly. Between how bad he scared me, and how many.. memories he brought up, I just felt like I could throw up my whole body and still feel the urge.

I really didn't know what to say to Chris, and that wasn't making anything better. Chris hated when people said they didn't like him. But who would really like a person like that. God why cant I just die. Everything would be so much better without me.

Chris. Why do you hate me?  ~  Johnnie

How could you think I ever hated you, love? I love you. I want to be with you. Forever. Till death do us part, remember? ~ Chris

This made my blood boil. Love. I'm not his love. I was stupid. I was stupid to ever talk to him. I was stupid to get involved with such a fucked up person. It made my heart physically hurt to think about the words that had just registered in my mind. 'Till death do us part. Remember?'

It made me shake. Memories of Chriflood through my mind.

"Till death do us part."

"I wanna be with you Johnnie. Forever."

"You don't like this Johnnie"

"I love you Johnnie."

"I know you want this."

"Johnnie"

"Never leave me Johnnie. You'll regret it."

"Your so sexy Johnnie. I love you."

"Till death do us part remember?"

"Till death do us part remember?"

"Till death do us part remember?"

"Till death do us part remember?"

The thoughts repeating in my mind as I feel myself trembling and feeling myself drifting off...

A/N 2 Updates in one day!

This chapter was really hard for me to write. Well. not hard really, since I knew exactly what to write. I know exactly how it feels, this chapter was from the bottom of my heart, my actual feelings. As well as the last chapter. This brought up a lot of memories for me, I hope this didn't trigger anyone. Writing this chapter I realized I should really put warnings on my other chapters, which I have done. None of my other chapters were really that triggering, but I put warnings just in case, even if it was only mentions of cheating, ect.