Temporary Secretary

Thirty-Nine

Paul's POV

(A/N: Maggie McGivern is a model from the sixties that Paul may or may not have had a relationship with.)

I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't believe Amethyst had cheated on me, and with George of all people. Sure, I probably deserved it for cheating on her as well, which is really what was bothering me when Winston was born. John's death was getting to me, but it was really my acts of infidelity that caused it all. Stupid, Paul, stupid! How could I cheat on Amethyst? I loved her with all of my heart. But, when Maggie McGivern was outside of my studio that night, I couldn't resist just one more night with her. She was just a flame in the sixties, but that didn't mean I didn't like being with her or didn't want to see her again. Selfish of me, isn't it? That I would cheat on my pregnant fiance just because she didn't want to have sex with me?

It was now weeks after everything had been revealed, and I was sitting on the couch, lifeless. The same place I had been since midnight, staring at the same wall. Yoko and Sean had been gone two weeks, I having acted normal whilst they were here. But now, I was lost.

"Paul, have you been down here all night?" I heard Amethyst ask as she entered the living room, carrying our son.

I couldn't speak. I felt as if all the emotions and abilities in my body had been wiped out.

"Paul? Is anyone in there?" Amethyst joked, knocking on my forehead lightly. 

I didn't even look up at her. I couldn't. Why was she not affected by what I did? How was she still happy when my heart felt like a barren pit of despair?

When the tears began flowing down my cheek, she sat down beside me, trying to get me to speak.

"What's wrong, baby?" She asked concerned.

"How are you not upset?" I managed to choke out.

"Oh..."

"Oh? That's all you have to say?"

"I don't know..." She said timidly.

"You don't know? You think this is a game? That since we have a kid, you're guaranteed a place to live in my home?"

"Paul! What's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me? What's gotten into you? You cheated on me with one of my best mates! I cheated on you! Why aren't you phased in the least?"

"Because, Paul...I thought everything was going to be okay..."

That sentence said it all. Her youth, her innocence about love. It was all making sense.

"You don't get it, do you?" I asked her.

"What's there to get, Paul? I don't understand."

"That normally when these things happen, people don't stay together. That baby in your arms can't keep us together if it wanted too." 

The tears started rolling down her face, and I realized that my last sentence could have been taken worse than it was meant to be.

"You don't want to be together anymore?" She asked, choking up on her words.

"Love, I didn't mean it like that. It's just, I don't know. You're too young to understand it."

"Too young? Paul, are you kidding? I'm too young to understand that you think our slip ups mean we have to break up? At least I'm mature enough to try and work things out, unlike you!" She said harshly.

Amethyst moved across the room to put Winston in his rocker, then came back to face me.

"What do you want, Paul?" She asked, looking me dead in the eyes.

To be honest, I didn't know what I wanted. Yes, I wanted us to work out, but at the same time, I wondered if this relationship could even work. Was it worth it anymore?

Is it worth it?

"Is it worth it, Paul? Is that what you said?"

"I didn't mean to say that out loud." I said quickly.

"Well, at least I know what you're thinking." She said.

Amethyst ran up the stairs I heard slamming and banging. I went upstairs, having an idea in my mind of what to expect.

She was packing.

"Darling, don't do this. I love you."

"Yeah, right, Paul."

"I'm serious, Amethyst!" I yelled. "Stop!"

"You stop, Paul! You're going to wake up Stella and James." 

I sighed, not knowing what to do.

"You can't leave."

"Why not? It's obvious you don't want me here anymore."

"I do! I promise!"

"I'm done, Paul."

"I haven't even done anything! Yes, I cheated on you, but you did the same to me!"

"I don't want this anymore!" She cried.

"What? You don't want a happy life? With your family? The father of your child? The children you've practically taken in as your own? You look me dead in the eye and tell me that you don't want that."

She just looked at me, tears in her beautiful green eyes.

If you love something, you're supposed to set it free right? 

I saw her packing Winston's clothes, as well, breaking my heart even more.

"You're taking Winston?"

"You're letting me leave?" She asked, turning around in surprise.

I sighed, not knowing what to tell the love of my life.

"Well, you know the saying 'If you love something, set it free?' I'll let you go, if it's really what you want. But promise me, if you really love me, you'll come back one day. I won't even think about another girl. The only girl I'll think about is you, and I'll be waiting."

She stopped packing for a moment, taking in all I had said.

"You mean that?" She asked.

"Every word of it..." I said, beginning to cry again.

"Okay, but if I'm not back in two years, please, forget about me for your own sake."

"I'll never forget about you, darling. You're the love of my life."

Amethyst sighed, coming over to hug me.

"I'm sorry, Paul." She said.

"It's okay, darling. I'll always love you. Mail me pictures of Winston, at least?"

"Okay..."

"I'm worried about you, Amethyst. Where are you going to go?"

"I don't know, Paul."

She finished packing her things...and I let her. I cried the whole time, not caring if she saw. Luckily, Stella and James were still sleeping.

"I can't believe you're going through with this..."

"I can't either..." She said as she stood in the open doorway, Winston cradled in her arms.

She looked the same as she did that first day she came to me. The way the sun highlighted her curves, her brown hair flowing in the August wind, her green eyes twinkling, yet sorrowful.

I kissed her forehead and kissed little Winston's as well.

She turned to leave, but I had one more question to ask her.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered, but loud enough for her to hear me.

"I was just your temporary secretary."