Suicidal (Luke Hemmings :) [MAJOR EDITING]

Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

-1 week later-

Those words repeat in my head like a broken record.

"I'm G-Gonna break up with you. I-I'm sorry Jordan. It's just really hard to explain."

It's been a week since he broke up with me.

I'm so upset. I have locked myself in my room. Calum stays in his also.

Aunt Jodi and David are out. They are out of town for a day.

"I need to make a video." I whispered. I got up out of bed and grabbed my desk chair and rolled it over to my desk where my MacBook Air was.

I opened it and went on the camera. I turned on my lamps so I will have a little bit good lighting.

I started the video.

"So, it's been a week." I said looking down at my painted nails.

"I'm making this videos cause I know that if I don't. You guys are gonna ask about it."

"So Michael has broken up with me."

"I don't know exactly why Michael broke up with me. Maybe he needs space or something. I don't know. But I'm willing to give him all the space he needs."

"But those words repeat in my head...like....a broken record." I sniffed.

"I ain't trying to be selfish or anything. But, I don't want to give him space. I love him. But I know this is for my own good. For his own good. For your guys own good."

"I'm willing to give him everything he ever wanted. I would walk 10,000 miles for him."

"He's going through something. Something that isn't my responsibility to say. But I feel this will be better for him. He needs to spend time with his family and his band mates."

"Yes, we are still friends, yes we are still family. But he needs a break. I need a break."

"I know he doesn't have the same feeling as I do for him anymore. I know he isn't in love with me."

"I'm emotionally unstable at the moment."

"I'm just a girl how loved a boy, but she couldn't love herself." I cried.

"But I know this won't be long. I know we will still be friends"

"But this is for the best."

"I see comments on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook. All of those social medias. Saying I'm a Hero, that I'm an Angel. I'm not a Hero nor I'm an Angel. I'm human."

"And I also have some thing else to tell you." I sighed.

"This is probably the hardest thing I've ever done but...........I'm going to be quitting YouTube. For awhile. I need to focus on the band for awhile. About Calum. About my friends. This isn't goodbye. I'm just taking a short break."

"And if you want to know why. It's because I'm suffering depression and another mental disorders."

But if there is anyone out there who is going through the same thing as I am. Just if you have an urge it self harm. Just think when ever you put the razor to your wrist. Or the lighter. Or twisting your skin, peeling it. Anything. Just think it as your hurting the one you love. Would you still do it?"

"I am here for you. The boys are here for you. Trust me Calum, Luke, Mikey and Ash are to. Just please don't self Harm. Don't hurt yourself. It's not the right thing to do. Your not the only one who's hurting. I can't lose you guys too." I sobbed quietly.