Living With The Sidemen (A Sidemen Fanfiction)

Chapter 27

"It just isn't fair! Why?! Why me?! Why us?!" JJ yelled, covering his face in his hands. He was crying. I had never seen JJ cry. Isabella was quiet beside him, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She had had a miscarriage. When I heard the news, my stomach twisted. The whole room was quiet except from a few sniffles and sobs from JJ and a few others. I kept my eyes on the floor. Emotions didn't go down too well with us. We always wanted to make light of the situation by making jokes and stuff. But you just can't joke about this. At all. Simon was beside me, and he put a hand on my knee. Like I was the one in need of emotional support. I looked over at him, his eyes already on me. I shook my head and he raised an eyebrow. I nodded towards JJ and he looked over at him. "He needs you." I whispered in his ear. He nodded slowly before standing up, pulling me up with him. He went and sat down beside JJ and I say beside him. He slung an arm over his shoulder and JJ leaned into him. This is bad. This is real bad.

JJ hasn't been recording and his fans know why. Everyone supports him and is there for him. I can't help but feel guilty and selfish. I had a baby. She did. They did. It makes me feel so bad. But, it also motivates me to be more thankful and excited about the whole thing. There was a knock on my door, bringing me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I said, turning my chair towards the door. I was surprised to see Isabella open the door. "Hey." She said, giving me a small smile. "Hi." I said, returning a smile. She came in and sat down on the bed. "JJ's gone out with the guys. They went and got Nandos." She said, looking down at her lap. "Yeah." I said. Us girls decided to stay home. We wanted them to have some guy time. JJ's barely been out of the house since we heard the news a week ago, and he needed some guy time desperately. They were meeting Cal, Ethan, Harry, and Tobi there, and I was sure to tell Simon what I wanted him to bring me back. I had been gaining weight slowly and my next doctors appointment was next week. "I just wanted to apologize." She said, still not looking at me. I stood up and walked to her side, but not touching her. "Isabella, you have nothing to apologize for at all. Okay?" I said, putting a hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "I do. You probably feel really bad about the whole ordeal and I'm sorry you have to feel that way." She said, her voice quiet. "Isabella, how I feel is not your fault. None of this is your fault. So don't apologize." I said, looking at the side of her face. She wiped her nose, but stayed quiet. I put my arm over her shoulders and she leaned into me. This whole ordeal was hard on everyone. But her and JJ took it the hardest, which is understandable. It has been kind of awkward between JJ and Isabella and I. JJ and Isabella are fine together, but when I come into the picture it's obvious something is wrong, and I hate that. Maybe that was what she meant by how I feel. But that still wasn't their fault. That wasn't anyone's fault. I heard the front door close, telling me the guys were probably back. "We're home." Vik's voice called up the stairs, confirming my assumptions. My door opened, but Isabella didn't move. "I got your-" Simon started, he stopped when he saw us. I gave him a small smile. I wasn't good at comforting anyone at all. And he knew that. "Everything okay in here?" He asked. This time Isabella pulled away, so I let go of her. "Thank you, Mackenzie. But I should probably go." She said, pointing to the door. I nodded in response and she left without another word. Simon sat down beside me, putting the food down on my desk. "What was that about?" He asked. "She wanted to apologize, but I told her not to." I said, staring at the ground. "Apologize? For what?" He asked. "My feelings, which is something she shouldn't feel bad about." I shrugged. He was quiet for a while. And I wondered if he felt the same way. "I love you." He spoke up. I felt my heart drop and I was sure my face went pale. Those words is what meant so much to me, and he threw it all away. Twice. I swallowed the lump in my throat and an arm went around me. "I know what I've done and I know you'll never forgive me, but given the circumstances I think it's best to forget about that stuff. I truly am sorry. And I'm not saying we should get back together, because you already said you didn't want to. I'm just telling you that I love you." He continued. He noticed how uncomfortable I was, so he started to get up. "You'll still love me when I weight twice as much as I do now and my stomach sticks out more than my boobs?" I asked him, forcing a smirk on my face. He leaned his head on mine, pulling me closer and he laughed lightly. "Especially then." He said. I imagined me that way, a way I hadn't wanted to imagine myself. I pictured Simon and I standing together and looking down at our baby in a loving way. Like the way he looking at the ultrasound picture. I placed a hand on my stomach. That will happen one day. Whether I was ready for it or not.