I'm Gonna Make You Miss Me (Sam Hunt)

Chapter 17: Everything's Revealed

~Sam's Point of View~

I can't believe all of this... I'm such a screw up. My past is messing up my future and I'm allowing it. Everything that has ever happened is ruining my future. Right now, the only thing I have going for me is a singing career. I'm a drunk. I'm an alcoholic who is never going to be worthy of love. Everything with my dad is the reason for this.

He's a main part of why I am like the way I am today. Every word he said, every hit he threw, every single thing he has ever done has turned me in to who I am today. No one knows. Not even my now ex girlfriend, Leila. She would often ask about my dad. Little things like 'what happened to your dad?'. I never wanted to talk about it with anyone. I always ignored it myself. I always told her that my father died when I was younger. That was my answer to everyone whenever they asked. I would never tell the truth. I didn't even want to accept it myself, how would I make other people expect it and understand it?

Some of it is all a blur. Other things I can remember clear as day. He was an abusive piece of shit. He physically and sexually abused my mom. He would hit her, slap her, and do anything else to her. She constantly woke up with bruises. Whether it was punches to her face, arms, legs, or anything else. He was the reason for it. He always said her and I both had "ruined his life". I never understood it. He would always come home drunk of his ass. He would hit my mother, verbally abuse her, then end up falling asleep on the couch. That's how it was for the first year or so, at least. Every thing had originally started when I was twelve. By the time I had turned fourteen, I was his punching bag as well. He would abuse me both emotionally, physically, and verbally. I fell into depression by the time I was sixteen. It was a slow process, but soon everything took over. That's when I started writing songs. It was the only thing that brought me happiness. It was my escape. Nothing could hurt me when I began writing songs and even singing them. I wasn't the greatest, but I had some skills down. Finally, mom got sick of it. People found out everything my 'dad' had done. He now sits in jail. It hurts me that it had to turn out that way, but in the end it was most likely for the best. Mom is safe now. I was safe, and still am. The depression started to slowly disappear when I left for college. I met some great friends, girls, and everything else. It was a good experience. I was glad I went to college, honestly. That's when I met Leila. I was on my last year of college, and she was on her first. There was a small age difference, but we didn't care. We both fell head over heels for one another. Then I screwed it all up. I wouldn't let the parties go, I wouldn't let the college friends go, or anything else. I'll never get her back. It's a past, it's a memory. If only I could go back in time and change it all. She doesn't even want to talk to me, let alone see my face. I'm literally her biggest enemy right now. If I hadn't had been so stupid, things would have changed. When Michael texted her with my phone, I should have just went along with it. I shouldn't have said the things I said. I shouldn't had allowed Brian, Tyler, and Michael get on her good side. I definitely shouldn't have let her go, not only the first, but for the second time as well. Here I am, I have a daughter or son that died. I could've prevented that. If I hadn't have left Leila to deal with everything on her own, she wouldn't have been as stressed. There would have been a 75% lesser chance of her loosing our baby. I'm a fucking monster, I swear. The only thing that is ever there for me is alcohol. I really am just like my dad. Everything I said I would never be is just what I am.

Yeah, sure, I have a singing career now. I'm signed to a record label. But how long will that last? As soon as every one finds out my true colors, I'll be dropped just like the piece of shit I am.

I can either let everything take over, or I can step up and make a change. It may be hard, but I guess in the end, it will be worth it.