while we are young / halsey

.5

e·bul·lience
iˈbo͝olyəns,iˈbəlyəns/
noun
the quality of being cheerful and full of energy; exuberance.

school went by faster than wanted. i had no desire of ditching, but it was ashley fucking frangipane! lunch was a blur. i couldnt focus. everyone 9eventually gave up trying to communicate with me. gym was hard. we played tennis, which is hard for me as i have no upperbody strength. which leads me to now, standing in the girls locker room, waiting for the bell to ring. this is happening i thought to myself. the bell rang, which made me jump. i ran out of the locker room and into the crowded hallways. because it was a lunch period, it was easy to get outside without being questioned.
i walked at a fast pace to the baseball field. i saw her. sitting in the dugout, legs crossed, smoking a cigarette. i approached her. my heart was beating faster and faster with every forward step. she looked up as i opened the door. she was in a black pleated skirt and a black cropped long sleeved shirt with the words bite me written across the bust. i was wearing ripped blue jeans and a white muscle tank top with the two door cinema club tourist history font printed onto it.

"thank god you didnt chicken out, girl. i would have had to track you down if you didnt show up." she said as she took another drag of her cigarette. i said nothing.
"shy, are you?" she stood up and walked toward me. my heart skipped a beat.
"uh-sorry, i-i am ha-" i started.
"i know who you are." she said, "and obviously you know who i am. thats why are here."
i nodded. ashley handed me her cigarette, and i said that i didnt want it, so she took it back.  she then spun around on her heel and walked back to where she was sitting before. i followed.
"why were you watching me?" Ashleys tone of voice completely changed. she was no longer bubbly and sarcastic. she was now serious and strong. the perfect contrast.
"i dont know." i replied.
"dont lie to me. dishonesty helps in no way in any situation."
"s-sorry. i just think that your hair is cool." i lied. she cant know about how i feel. she wont.
"okay." we werent looking at each other. i was watching her watch the barely existent movement of the trees. watching her watch the birds soaring high through the air. she knew my eyes were on her. i couldnt tell if she likes the attention. i didnt notice the patterns in the clouds that she did. i didn't notice the squirrel running from first to second base into the outfield and out of sight like she did. i noticed her eyes barely darting around in small twitches. i noticed her right pointer finger rapidly tapping her exposed leg.
Ashley looked at me. i stared into her beautiful brown eyes. she stared into my boring grey eyes. i wanted to kiss her. i needed to kiss her. but it was to late. she kissed my cheek innocently, and was gone. disappeared into thin air. i sighed. then i noticed the cigarette pack on the bench. i grabbed it and opened it. on the inside of the lid, sloppy but prominent handwriting read i am blue. i slipped the pack of camels into my back pocket and left the field. i kept walking. walking. walking. i eventually found my house. it wasnt my home. ashley was my home.