while we are young / halsey

1.0

e·nig·ma
iˈniɡmə/
noun
a person or thing that is mysterious, puzzling, or difficult to understand.

it was too dark outside. my family was asleep. it was me, the technicolour street lights, and silence. an almost eery silence. i got out of my house easliy, climbed out my window onto the roof below it, and jumped off. i had walked through the gate in the back yard to get out front. 9:43pm.
saint lucas park and boat dock was within walking distance from my house, so getting there wouldnt be difficult. i shoved my hands in my leather jacket pockets and wrapped it around my body tighter, attempting to keep the cold night air from getting to me.
i walked down the sidewalks without another soul in sight. right. left. right. right. left. straight. right. left. straight. i repeated in my head as i followed the familiar instructions to get to the park. i could feel the cold fall air pinching my nose, my ears.
i turned the final left and i saw the runned down sign, "welcome to saint lucas park and boating dock." i walked a little faster until i was inside the park. suddenly, my phone went off. the ping made me jump and almost scream, but i checked it and it was tumblr. ashley knows i am here.
blueastherain: dock B. see you soon.
i knew exactly where that was, so i walked in that direction. as i got closer, i started to hear voices. thats when the smell hit me. weed. theyre smoking weed!! my brain yelled at me. i shouldnt be here, though i kept walking. i was compelled forward.
i got to the clearing and saw the docks. dock B had a group of people sitting in a circle, laughing. ashley saw me first. she stood up, and jogged toward me. "hey, red!" she yelled as she hugged me.
"hello blue." i replied and returned her hug. i could feel her smile at the sound of me calling her blue.
"come on, the fun hasnt even started yet!" she grabbed my hand and dragged me forward. she was in a short, black skirt and a black cropped shirt that read "i dont need your slut shaming." over the tee shirt was a long, knitted sweater. on her feet were black doc martins. she looked like a dream. a beautiful, twisted dream.
we got to the dock and all her friends stood up to greet me. i didnt recognize anyone, except one. lucas boyfriend, of whom i still dont know his name. "okay," ashley began as she pointed to her friends, "this is charlie, benson, augustus, harlequin, and X. guys, this is red." they all greeted me with hugs and harlequin slapped my ass after she hugged me. she was obviously already stoned. they all sat back down, me in between ashley and lucas boyfriend who i now know as augustus. they were talking about music. "no, but, you dont get it, radiohead is SO much better than muse!" charlie said.
"um, hello? my emo feelings have been hurt!" benson replied then laughed.
"radiohead is more angsty, like nirvana or cage the elephant. muse is louder and more in your face, like sex pistols or kanye west." i chimed in. everyone laughed at my mention of kanye west.
"hey," harlequin started, "dont ever compare yeezy to the literal garbage that is muse!" we all laughed harder.
"i think red is right." augustus replied. everyone nodded. someone stood up and walked over to a cooler. he pulled out a few beers and passed them around to the group. as they were getting passed around, i leaned over to ashley and whispered, "which one is that?"
"thats X."
"what?"
"X. no one knows his real name, so we all call him X."
"oh. makes sense." X walked up to me and handed me a bud light. i took it.
after he finished passing them around, X stayed standing and held up his can. "to red," he said, "for giving up all hope of being a good person to be anywhere near us. thank you for joining us tonight, we all love having you here. welcome to us." everyone raised their cans and said in unison,
"to red." i raised my can as well, said cheers, and we all chugged our beers.

we sat in the circle for what felt like hours, smoking, drinking, yelling, laughing. talking about school, our fucked up home lives, our favourite television shows. my head was resting in ashleys lap while she played with my hair, harlequin and X were off fucking somewhere (which is apparently a normal thing for them to do) and the rest of us were smoking joints and telling stories.
"once i went to a party, had an orgy, and left half way through the orgy because my ex boyfriend showed up."
benson slurred at one point. she grew up in manchester and moved to the US with her mum when she was 12 to get away from the police who were looking for her dad who killed four people.
"sometimes i go up to the roof of my house at midnight and stare up at the stars." charlie whispered. charlie was a freshman, so i had never seen him before tonight.
"luca and i once went on a road trip to las vegas before we started dating and had a threesome with a man named cocoa." augustus said. augustus was abused by his father until he was 8 when his mom called the police on him, and after he went to prison he escaped and no one has found him yet.
my brain was fuzzy and i didnt really know what was happening most of the time, but if there was one thing i did know; this moment, with these people, was the most perfect thing i had ever experienced.
i pulled out my phone and checked the time. 2:29am. i laughed at the sight of the time. "holy shit you guys!!" i yelled. "its 229!!!"
"ya mean 2:29?" benson charlie slurred. we all laughed.
"hey red, want to go for a walk?" ashley asked me.
"s-sure blue." i replied quickly. augustus winked at benson and charlie whistled. "dont have too much fun!" he called as we walked away together. ashley flipped him off.
we were both stumbling around the woods, trying to get to the playground. she sat down on a swing. i sat next to her. we sat there in silence for a few moments until ashley spoke up. "i have a crush on you." she whispered.
my head whipped around to face her.
"w-what?" i couldnt tell if she has said that or if my stonedness was getting in the way of what she actually said.
"you heard me."
"i have a crush on you too."
"i know."
"okay."
"okay." she said then stood up. she walked in front of my swing and faced me, pulling me off and helping me stand. before i could regain conscience her lips slammed into mine. the rest of the world vanished, it was just the kiss. i kissed her back instantly, grabbing the sides of her face. her lips tasted of lilacs.
pretty soon my tongue was down her throat and hers mine. our lips fit together. it felt perfect. it felt right.