while we are young / halsey

2.0

pan·ic
ˈpanik/
noun
1.
sudden uncontrollable fear or anxiety, often causing wildly unthinking behavior

i got inside without making a sound. i cautiously creeped up the staircase and into my dark room. my clothes reeked of alcohol and desperation. they were dirty. i was even more so. i ripped off my garments as quickly as i could and got in the shower. i scrubbed rapidly at my skin trying to get his feeling off of me, but no matter how hard i tried, nothing would change.
i kept scratching and scrubbing until my legs were bleeding and my arms bright red. i then started to cry. i cried harder than ever before, curling into a ball on the shower floor and let the water run over my naked body. i sat there crying for a near 15 minutes then decided to go put pajamas on and sleep. i was sober by then, but being sober made the feeling much, much worse.

"hayden. hayden wake up." liam was shaking me to get me to wake up. i moaned angrily and rolled over.
"hayden get your ass out of this bed or im telling mother where you went last night." my eyes shot open. i rolled back over quickly and stared at him in disbelief.
"you did you know???" i whispered.
"i saw your friend outside your window, watched you climb down, and leave with her. did you sleep together?"
"no we didnt. dont tell mother EVER what you saw, got it?" he nodded. i told liam to leave and got dressed. black american apparel skirt with a black long sleeved crop top also from american apparel. i french braided my hair and put pink ribbons at the ends. i needed to forget about last night.
I walked out of my room quickly and went into the kids bathroom to do my hair and makeup. bubblegum pink lip gloss and a sharp black cat eye. it was saturday, which meant traveling across town to meadowdale heights country club. mother forced us all to go because we are a middle class family with a mother who only cares about money, and she would like to show her well dressed children off to the eligible sugar daddies.
i walked downstairs to see mother, courtney and liam downstairs eating breakfast at the dining room table. "sage wont be joining us this week. they cant find elijah." my mother said sternly.
shit. no no no no. i saw him last night!! i thought to myself as i started to panic. my hangover hadent kicked in yet so i could actually use my head. "should i stay behind to help look?" i asked her.
"no, cameron and his girlfriend chloe are helping look."
"oh okay." i was in shock. unless he is passed out somewhere in the mayors estate, he could be anywhere. blackout drunk and terrified.
"im going to go call sage." i said and ran back up to my room.

she picked up after the first ring.
"are you okay?"
"no. we dont know where he is and im so scared."
"i think i know a place to look."
"what? where?"
"are you alone?"
"cameron and his new girlyfriend are here."
"okay. go to the mayors estate. i saw him there last night and he told me not to tell you."
"did you both go to that party?"
"...yeah?"
"you fucking went with ashley and her group of circus freaks didnt you?"
"they arent freaks. and youre friends with augustus, so whats the problem?"
"i dont approve of them, hayden. theyre bad news."
"i dont need your approval."
"i know."
"good. they are my friends."
"im still warning you, dont trust them. especially ashley."
"okay. whatever. hope you find eli there. text me when you find him."
"okay. i love you."
"you too"
and she hung up.