i'm dead | harry styles

chapter one

It won't be a shock if the police shuts this party down. The music is too loud. The windows are vibrating and the floor's shaking, all the wild people are making it incredibly impossible for me to find him.

Sweaty bodies grind with mine as I shrink every step I take in this crowded apartment. Liquors fall from their typical red cups to my hair. Someone pushes me away from the crowd and I fall on my hands and knees. Jerk?

I feel left out. I don't have pink or blue hair, tattoos nor piercings. I don't drink alcohol and I sure don't want to get drunk and make out with a lamp or chug down hot acid down my throat so the next day I wake up with a disease.

Maybe that's why he's here without telling me, he's getting tired of me because I'm not fun and the very definition of boredom.

The place's small, suffocating and hot. The two bedrooms here are occupied by busy people having sex. My boyfriend is not in the kitchen and not in the crowd. There's only three girls on the balcony, so I walk over to the bathroom.

I try to twist the doorknob, but it's locked. I start knocking. Each knock, my knuckles get number. I have a bad feeling about this. What's taking so long? I'm pretty sure a drunk girl just died in there.

I peek over my shoulder and see the crowded living room. Everyone's jumping up and down to the fast beat, and I notice a man standing like a statue with a drop dead serious expression, in the middle of the crowd. He's staring back at me.

The door opens.

"B, what are you doing here?" My boyfriend's eyes widen. His hair's messy and his shirt is unbuttoned, revealing his chest.

"You butt dialled me. You told me you weren't coming -"

"Babe, who is she?" A girl inside whines, desperately.

The soul leaves my body and my blood runs cold. My heart freezes and shatters.

"No," I cover my mouth in disbelief, taking a step backward. The music has stopped and everyone's gone silent. I try to hold myself from crying but no avail.

The girl's sitting in the sink with red spots above her bra. Her skirt is hiked up, revealing other hikies on her thighs. She winks at me with her smudged make up mixed with sweat.

"Do you mind?" She rolls her eyes, obviously annoyed that I have interrupted her make out with my boyfriend.

He gives her a look and she groans, grabbing her shirt. She gets off and wipes saliva from her bottom lip with her thumb, sliding it over my lips. She shoves past me with her drunken giggle and I hit the doorframe.

I look at Matty in shock that he didn't stop her. I've never been more humiliated - nothing can top this.

"I can explain," his face shows frustration. He isn't regretting anything. He's just mad because he got caught.

"Matty," nothing comes out after that.

"Hear me out, please."

With nothing left but delusion, I run out of the apartment with my hair flying behind me. I push the button to open. I'm pushed against the wall. Matty's large hands cup my face. He's going to talk me out of this, like he always do when he messes up.

After nine months of our relationship, I stand in front of the man everyone warned me about, hurt.

"It was a mistake, Bonnie." He presses his forehead against mine, hard enough as he speaks. "Please, don't go. Don't leave me."

My teeth start chattering and hold back the words of forgiveness. He played me, and the only key I wanted was trust and I can't trust him after this.