i'm dead | harry styles

chapter sixteen

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I still have his taste on my tongue; he tastes like coffee. The hospital's hallways are empty and Reese's uncontrollable sobs echo, then my heels echo too as I begin to pace around, touching my tongue with the tip of my finger. He tasted like coffee. When the doctor walks out, Harry being Reese's adoptive brother, she's the only one allowed inside. But after a little while, she informs me it was food poisoning.

"Feeling better?"

"I feel like shit." Harry whispers as I close the door behind me. I walk father in the room, sitting next to him and he immediately grabs my hand, intertwining our cold fingers.

"What was it that you eat?"

"I drank coffee." He croaks. "The milk was out of date, I guess. I caught a bacteria."

"Where did you drink that coffee?" I tilt my head; he usually doesn't prepare anything himself. It doesn't surprise me that he's eating and drinking though, his therapy for his Cotard delusion is working.

"Uh... Niall prepared it for me at his house." He says and I blink. "He gave me raw milk."

"He tried to kill you?!" I get up, taking out my phone.

"I don't think he wanted to, maybe he wanted to teach me a lesson..." he says.

"What kind of lesson? That's fucked up."

"Just drop it."

"What happened? Why did Niall do that?"

"Because he wants best for you, Bon."

"So you're just going to leave me anyways after this, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Yet you haven't given me a reason."

"I'm sorry."

"Is there any chance you're telling me why?" I continue to press on.

"I told you."

I stomp my foot.

"No, you just told me everyone hates you then you stalled me."

"How did I stall you?"

"You kissed me." I say, "You didn't mean it, did you?"

"I thought if I kissed you, you would stop asking questions."

I feel my eyes water, walking toward the door. When I grab the doorknob, I hear him speak again.

"Listen, I lied to you."

I turn to him and he looks away.

"This is really hard for me to say..."

"Just say it." I press.

"I did kill my parents."

"What?" I heard him, I just can't accept it. "You told me you didn't... that it wasn't on purpose."

"I wanted to kill myself and I found an opportunity. I had the car. I was driving. I didn't care who was with me. My mind was dark and I just followed the voices. There was no drunk driver, no reason for me to hit that tree... It was me and my fucked up mind."

His face is red now.

"I was worse back then, I was very sick I didn't mean to kill them, I wanted to kill myself, not them. I just..." he sniffles. "I'm a horrible person, Bonnie. I'm never in control of myself. I can't let you justify my actions."

"Oh God," I sit down.

"You were the only person beside me despite every flaw that I have and I didn't want you to know, I don't want you to hate me but if it's the only way for you to let go of me, then there it is." He covers his face. "You should be afraid of me, Bonnie. I could hurt you even if I don't want to..."