Hey lovelies! Hope your day is well, whatever day you're reading this on. Guess who had a super long four day weekend to catch up on sleep, binge watch The Twilight Zone, and write a little bit? This loser! Hahaha anyways, things have been going well recently, so that's good. I don't know why I'm rambling, as if my eight readers care, except maybe Emma (LOVE YOU EMMA!). If you haven't read Emma's work, go do it now. She's amazing. Her account here is Emma_B_1_2_3. I'm going to shut up now, and let my rant speak for me. Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment or vote if you so choose!
Xoxo,
Dani
Anyone who has had the displeasure of meeting or knowing me within the past four years will know one thing about me stands out: I am a huge Trencher.
Literally. This band has been my everything. It's been an obsession, and looking back, little grade eight and nine me are so cringe worthy, especially concerning how frequently I discussed Trench. Seriously. I know my friends don't care, but I still tell them when baby Casselman was born, and the update on Josh's pet fish's name. They get sick of it, I'm sure. I know Clara (my best friend) is.
My Twitter account, likewise, has always been 110% Marianas Trench. Fangirling with Trencher friends, retweeting band updates, tweeting lyrics back and forth in caps... That was my online life everyday. Until, my mom blocked Twitter on the home computer and I had no access for an entire summer vacation.
I was fine after a while of course. Being a book nerd, I read a lot. Not to mention, I actually had friends (yes elementary school Dani, you find people who actually like you. Weird, I know. They don't associate with you to make fun of you either. They're great people.) (SHOUT OUT TO ALL "REAL LIFE" FRIENDS AND INTERNET FRIENDS, I LOVE YOU THANKS FOR PUTTING UP WITH MY ANNOYING SELF!).
When I came back to Twitter, a lot had changed. My Trencher "clique" (let's call it that, it fits) was still close, but I didn't feel as close with them all as I had before. As well, between them, there was a large amount of negative indirects involving people both in and out of the group. Every day in my timeline I would see hate. And not joking friend hate like Abbey is known for (if you know Abbey.). I'm talking about genuine trying to insult one another and get negative reactions.
As someone who has been bullied for most of her life (all of elementary school, and less in high school but still a little) I never understood the point of insulting others. Is it supposed to make you feel better as a person? Is it supposed to make others laugh, and befriend you? All I see is the end result: fractures in friendships, separating of a fandom into isolated little islands, and Marianas Trench, the band we all unified over and love, having to see and deal with this meaningless teenage drama between fans. You have to understand that they don't want this. A lot of their fans already deal with mental illnesses like depression or anxiety, and regardless of wether they show it online or not, this bullying and attacking will only worsen their mental health. I remember my first time seeing a person negatively affected by this. She would turn to me and dm me about whatever was happening, and I tried my best to reassure her. She relied on me in a sea of negativity to help, and I tried. But one day I wasn't there for her when I needed to be. She shut me out, and I let her go. I let her go, because despite finding her new Twitter account, I knew she wouldn't want me to follow it, or talk to her. If she wanted me to, she would have messaged me to begin with. I eventually stopped thinking about her on a daily basis, worrying about her. Don't get me wrong, I still hoped she was okay. But I never knew how she was. One day, I saw a memorial tweet on my timeline from another one of my friends. She was dead. I will never know what caused it, wether it was natural causes, an accident, or at her own hand. I just remember feeling like I was partially responsible, because of that one day when I wasn't there. She was depressed, and all the hate she was getting, what other members of the Trencher fandom were saying to her were affecting her. I'm not saying it is the reason for this horrible turn of events; but it caused her pain. She didn't deserve to feel like that. Out of respect for her, I will not say what she told me, but I will say this: WORDS RUN DEEPER THAN YOU BELIEVE, EVEN IF ONLY ONLINE.
