Dear diary: The end of the beginning (Book 2)

Chapter 10: Secret

Chapter 10

Katniss P.O.V.

Jeremy has seemed a little off these past days. He hasn't told me why. That could be because I haven't really asked him though.

I want to ask him, but I don't know if he wants to tell me. He should though. We tell each other everything. He's my very best friend and I know that I'm his as well. Some people may find it weird since we've been a couple once upon a time, but that's just the way things are.

I think Peeta and I are friends now. Well kind of friends anyways. I mean I guess we're friends.

I'm really trying to move on. I know that things Glimmer did wasn't his fault really, but he still participated in what she did and that's what I can't forget and that's what I'm trying to move past. Especially now when I know that Glimmer was hard on him as well and what happened to him after I'd left Panem.

After I found out, I figured that Peeta was a victim as much as I was, but it wasn't shown in public. Glimmer wasn't bullying him, she was controlling him. In a way, that's worse I think. Being controlled, not being able to do what you want to do. Not being able to do the right thing even if you want to. He was living in fear as well.

I just don't know how long it will take for me to forsee that Peeta helped Glimmer, even if it was against his own will. I can't just shut down everything and start over completely, not even if I wanted to. And yeah, maybe I would want to, but it doesn't work like that.

"Hey".

I look up and see Peeta. He sits down on the bench beside me.

"Hey", I say.

"You alone?" He asks.

I just nod. Yeah. I'm alone right now. The rest of the girls... I don't really know where they are. They could still be asleep. Or they could be getting breakfast or coffee or something. It's Saturday so no need to wake up early. Though I did. I woke up, couldn't go back to sleep so I got up, bought a coffee and went here. I've been sitting here for two hours now. Just thinking about everything.

"You too?" I ask.

He nods and takes a sip of his to-go coffee.

"I couldn't get the others up", he says. "I tried, I pulled up the curtains and the sun came in, you could hear the birds and they all told me to go to hell".

I giggle.

"Ah that's lovely", I say.

"Isn't it?" Peeta smiles. "Eh who cares, it's their loss, they miss such a beautiful morning".

It is beautiful. It's warm and sunny, students are eating breakfast in the grass, drinking their coffee, talking and laughing. Birds are singing and chasing each other. Not one cloud up on the sky. It's just perfect.

"Yeah I agree", I nod. "It is beautiful".

"You've eaten breakfast yet?" Peeta asks.

"Nope, I've been sitting here with my coffee and thoughts for about two hours straight", I say.

"Ah I see and what are your thoughts telling you this beautiful morning?" He asks.

"You really want to know?" I ask.

"Why yes of course", he says.

"Well I'm thinking that I actully do like you now when I've gotten to know you, you're not a bad person", I say. "I'm sorry for treating you like you are".

"Nah you were right to, I mean I didn't really help you when you needed it back high school. I let Glimmer do what she did and chase you away", Peeta says. "It was no where right and I knew it, I don't get to have an excuse for it".