I think I finally found a use for those words I've been thinking, for the title with no body, I mean. Today you smiled at me, and I realized for the first time that maybe I was more in love with the theory of us than I've ever thought I was in love with you. Maybe. And I think that because you're making me angry, you've always made me angry, and you've always been so infuriating but so good at talking that you twisted me like a riddle you didn't mean to solve. Your tongue spins in circles and you walk me around corners I never saw coming, so now I'm here but I don't think you're coming, and now I fear you never were coming. My problem is I've always been inclined to the theory of us, when that theory began as two like-minded fools, and when that theory expanded to a beautiful view, and finally when that theory exploded because you always liked to set fires but now you know better than to get caught in them. So now I think maybe all you ever did was look the part, because you'd look good with your arms around me, but I have no interest in your formal way of talking when I really just need a smile and lighthearted conversation. You didn't need to get offended when I didn't find it funny, but maybe I shouldn't be offended because I knew from the start you'd be busy. You've always been so busy. You've always been too busy. So I'm sorry that I want to be with you, and I'm sorry I can't because you don't want me too, but mostly I'm sorry that maybe I don't even want you, that maybe I just got swept away with the theory of us and the parts we could play that I forgot you had a life outside of my fantasy. I don't know what I've been saying and I don't know what I've been trying to say. Maybe that I might be better off this way. Because I don't have your scientific mind, and I never did like theories, and so I guess I just proposed one without any evidence, because I needed you for the experiments, and when you refuted my theory I refuted your cause, and now I'm just lost with a what-could-have-been thought. We could have been spectacular. We still could be. But I don't need us to be. I'm just as whole with someone else as I think I could be with you, and I'm just as whole by myself. I just got so caught up in the theory of us that I didn't think I'd have to be by myself. And I guess what I was going for when I started all this rambling is just the idea that maybe I don't want you the way I think I do, because maybe I never wanted you. Maybe I only wanted what I thought we could be.
