Hush now. Keep quiet. Give me this moment. Let me whisper it in your ear.
What's that? I am loved? I know. I am valued? I understand that. I am wanted? I've heard it all before.
Wanted, sure, but never the way I want to be. Never the way I crave. And it's silly! I'm silly, and broken, and messy, and hopeless. Oh, so hopeless. I want to dance, but I have no one to dance with, and I can't wait to watch that movie with the love of my life, and, well, I wonder what it's like to touch him, and...
Oh? Sorry? You have something to say? I am amazing? I am special? I am deserving of all of that and more? Of course. I know. So you've said. Be quiet, again. Hold it all in. Hold your breath, if you have to. Because it's not that I don't hear you, and it's not that I forget. I am loved. Of course I am.
I even love myself, most days. But whoever He is, he doesn't love me. Not yet. He's too far away. And I'm hopeless, hopeless, hopeless... I'm drifting... I'm lost. I think of him in dancing, and in late night swims, and I wonder where the heck he thinks he is, because I'm tired and lonely and I want him NOW.
Impatient. Did I mention I'm impatient?
Right. Ignore me. It's no big deal. I'm just being silly, falling apart at the seams, and I've said this all before. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about me. I'm just hopeless. I'm growing up one day only to shrink to nothing the next. I want love. I want him. I'm tired of this.
But sure. I know. I hear you. And thanks. You're probably right, I shouldn't complain.
