Lifelines

Chapter 4

It was about six o'clock by the time Ms. Anderson called us in for dinner and I had to practically be carried by the boys. I sat down and almost drooled at the sight of the food around me.

"I don't think I've had a home cooked meal for at least seven years." I grabbed a warm biscuit and almost shoved it in my mouth when I noticed no one else had touched their plates and had their hands clasped together. "Oh God, I'm so sorry!" I put the biscuit back then thought better of it and threw it back on my plate.

The front door opened and closed with a loud thud and a man walked in wearing a perfectly pressed suit and tie. "Daddy! We put a plate for you." Maggie exclaimed and he was still staring at his phone when he said he wasn't hungry. He continued walking and I heard another door close, assuming it was an office or bedroom. Ms. Anderson cleared her throat and turned to a pouty faced Maggie. "Honey, would you like to say grace?" She immediately perked up and grabbed my hand. "Will you do it with me?" She asked and I stared at her blankly. I never said one prayer in my life and this girl expected me to start preaching at the dinner table?

"Sure." I couldn't say no to her. She was too innocent. She spoke first, "Lord, thank you for this delicious food Mommy made and thank you for keeping our family healthy and safe." Just when I thought she was done, she continued, "Please help Cassandra be safe and don't let the mean man hurt her again." She opened her eyes and looked to me expecting for me to say something and I dumbly stared into space, "Thanks for uh...thanks for food...and stuff."

"Amen." They all stated in unison and started to put different things on their plate. I couldn't stop staring at Maggie. I felt like the biggest creep. How could a girl who was three maybe four years old, be so wise and caring?

Carson seemed to notice me looking at her like she was a jigsaw puzzle because he nudged my shoulder lightly. "You ok?" he whispered and I nodded my head faintly. "I don't get it." I whispered not realizing he had heard me.

"What don't you get?" I stared him in the eyes then looked around the table. "How can you all be so happy?" I didn't mean to sound so jealous but I was. They had a loving mother and beautiful, intelligent sister. Sure their father was a little...blunt but they seemed so put together. I was so caught up in my thoughts that I didn't notice Carson's chuckle. "What?" I questioned him. "Not all things are what they seem. Believe me."

I did. I knew what he meant. Life could suck. Some lives sucked more than others. When a person's life wasn't what they wanted they didn't broadcast it for the world to see. I would know first hand what that was like. Everyone knew what it was like. Carson knew what it was like.

Carson. The boy who intrigued me since the fourth grade. He's quiet, caring, and incredibly charming. How did I end up so lucky to know the famous Carson Anderson? I don't know but I sure as hell knew that I had to fix whatever happened between all three of us Thursday night.
                                   *****
            "Can I talk to you guys for a minute?" I awkwardly stood in the doorway to Lucas and Carson's bedroom. They both looked over at me and seemed a little shocked but let me in and guided me to sit on one of the beds. I'm assuming the neat side of the room was all Carson. He could never stand messes.

"What did you want to talk about?" Luke asked me and I could tell he was still slightly angry at me. "I wanted to apologize...to the both of you. You were right Luke. I had no right to get upset about that. If you weren't ready to tell me then I should've respected that." There was a still moment of silence before I spoke again. "And Carson, I didn't mean what I said to you either. I was just being a pathetic, hormonal teenage girl. I bet whoever that person you're in love with knows how lucky they are because you are the greatest person I know. Sorry, Luke." I chuckled nervously.

I cleared my throat from the tension and went to leave when Lucas stopped me. "Cass, wait." I turned to face him and he stood up, enveloping me in a hug. "I never meant a word I said about your mom. I shouldn't have used that against you. I'm really sorry." I gripped onto him a little tighter and whispered, "It's okay. You were right. I was really overbearing." I let go of him then turned to Carson who looked uncomfortable sitting there. I opened up my arms to him. "Don't I get a hug from you too?" A small smile came to his lips as he gave me a light hug. It didn't last long, but I noticed he smelled of cinnamon.

I wiped the few tears that had fallen from my eyes. "Well now that the mushy stuff is over with...goodnight guys. See you tomorrow." I walked out of their room and noticed Maggie standing there and she looked up at me with big doe eyes. I looked at the clock on the wall.

"Maggie it's ten o'clock. Shouldn't you be in bed?" I questioned the small girl and she grabbed my legs. "Can you tell me a story? Mommy is still downstairs and I don't want to bother her."

"Sure." She took my hand and guided me into what I'm assuming is the master bedroom. She plopped down on the bed and snuggled into the covers. "What story is your favorite?" I asked and she thought long and hard before answering. "A fairytale." She said innocently and I immediately knew which story to tell.

"Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Reign. She was the most beautiful lady in all the land. She was kind, caring, and had the longest brown hair you could imagine. One day she went to see her family in the big castle and noticed a handsome boy tending to all her horses. When their eyes met, they knew they'd be together forever. Reign's parents fought with her saying she could never be with a poor garden boy. The boy she fell in love with didn't care though. He made sure she knew how much he loved her. He bought her flowers everyday. Lily's. They were her favorite. Then one day she ran off with him. She ran off to be with her true love. They had a baby girl and lived happily ever after."

I noticed Maggie was staring at me in adoration. "Was that about your Mommy and Daddy meeting?" I was shocked. How could a girl so young, be so smart? "Yes." I breathed and ran my hand through her hair. "It's time for bed now okay?" She stopped me in my tracks by her next question. "Where's your mommy?" It was an innocent thing to ask. It didn't mean it hurt any less. "She's not here. She passed away." She gave me a sad smile. "My Mommy is in heaven." She said and my eyes widened. "Wha-" "Mommy downstairs isn't my real Mommy. Daddy is my Daddy though."

I sat down next to her and felt so bad for her. She lost a mother so young. One she couldn't even remember. Is it wrong that in a way I was jealous? Wouldn't it be better to not have any memories? That way you don't hurt as much. You don't miss as much.

"How did your Mommy die?" I swallowed thickly before I replied. To this day I still feel as if it was my fault she was gone. If I just didn't ask her for that stupid Barbie suitcase. "She got into a car accident." I told Maggie calmly. She gave me an understanding nod and I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry for a girl who seemed to be losing her innocence by the second. She shouldn't be so wise.

"My Mommy was sick. I don't remember her. I was only a baby Daddy said. I'm four now." She smiled up at me holding four fingers out to me. She then became very serious. "Where's your Daddy?" I took a deep breath. "He-" "Is everything okay?" Ms. Anderson stood there in the doorway and I quickly stood up, wiping away at my eyes. "Yes, we're fine. Just telling a bedtime story. Goodnight Maggie." I walked past Ms. Anderson mumbling a quiet, "Night", and made my way to Maggie's room, making sure to shut the door and turn out the lights.