I stood watching Carson in a daze as he packed up the rest of his things.
"I'll be back in a couple of days. Don't miss me too much." Carson smiled lightly and threw his last bag into the car.
"I'll try not to. Thanks for coming by." I said and he pulled me into a hug.
"Do you expect me to just leave without saying goodbye to my girlfriend?" I hugged him back and pulled away when I heard Byron, my new brother, shouting at us.
"Daddy says you've been hugging too long!" he shouted.
"I guess that's my cue to leave then." Carson said.
I gave him one last kiss before saying goodbye again and watching him drive off.
I ruffled Byron's hair and pulled him close. "How much is Dad paying you for interrupting Carson and I?"
He looked at me with a devilish smirk, "Ten bucks for every bust." And then he ran off into the house again like a wild man.
****
"So what's it like?" Kara asked rummaging through my makeup bag, holding up different foundations to my face.
"What's what like?" I laughed at her vagueness but she only rolled her eyes.
"You know, the sex." She said and I felt my face flush.
"We've only done it one other time." I squeaked and she grinned.
"But what is it like?" She wiggled her brows and I smiled.
"He's really gentle about it. He always asks if everything is okay or if it hurts. It's very slow and loving." I admitted.
"Does he have a good mouth?" She asked and I looked at her like she had three heads.
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Like, you know, does he give good head?" I was shocked by her words.
"Ew, no, we haven't done that." I told her and she froze.
"Oh God, Cassandra!" She shouted.
"What?" I whined.
"Have you guys only done basic missionary?" She looked horrified and I wished the ground would swallow me whole.
"Cass..." She started.
"It's not that big of a deal!" I snapped. "He's trying to go slow after what happened with James. He probably thinks I'm a ticking time bomb with the trial coming up next week."
"Do I need to have a talk with this boy?" She asked and I lightly shoved her shoulder.
"No, you don't." I laughed and my door was busted open then and a nicely dressed Lucas came waltzing in.
"Evening, ladies." He plopped down on my bed and I gave him a look.
"We're having a girls night. Do you mind?" Kara snapped at him and his intense gaze moved to her.
"Not at all." He smirked and moved so he was sitting right next to her.
I laughed at the face she made.
My phone started to ring and I excused myself, picking it up.
"Hey, Carson. How's Standford?" I asked but could barely hear him with all the noise in the background.
"What was that?" I asked, annoyed he couldn't move to a more secluded area to talk.
"I said that the campus-" His voice was cut off again and I groaned.
"Call me when you have a quiet place to talk. Goodnight." I told him and hung up. I tried shaking off a feeling of sadness but how could I be happy for him when I knew that he was going to be so far away.
I walked back into my room and stood in the doorway shocked by the scene in front of me.
Luke was on top of Kara and they were kissing. Like, full on passionate making out and here I was awkwardly standing and watching the scene unfold.
"Uh..." Kara saw me at that moment and shoved Lucas off of her who gave her a confused look but his face flushed when he noticed my presence.
"We thought you'd be off having sexy phone time with Carson." Kara said and I stubbornly clenched my jaw.
"Yeah, well it'd be hard to do that if all your boyfriend cares about is his new life he's going to have without you." I said and they both had sympathetic looks upon their faces.
"Whatever. Enough moping around. Let's go out." I said and pulled a short dress from my closet that Kara had given me.
"Ooh, where are we going?" Kara asked with excitement and Luke shook his head.
"No, we aren't going out. First off, Kara your pregnant and secondly, do you think you could handle being around a lot of people Cassandra?" He asked and I let my stubbornness get the best of me.
"I'm not some baby you can protect forever. I was raped. It happened. I'm moving on. Whether you two are coming or not, I'm going." I told them and when I saw no movement from either of them I practically ran out of the house in my party attire.
I pulled up to a club called SHOTS on the lower east side of the city and gave my keys to the valet. I stared up at the building and felt my body tense.
Stop it Cass. You can do this. Conquer your fears.
I marched inside flashing my fake, which I had gotten with Carson and Luke a year ago, to the broad shouldered bouncer and walked in to see the club was in full swing.
I made my way over to the bar and asked for a gin and tonic and three drinks later I started to feel less stressed and happy.
I felt an arm on my shoulder and immediately tensed. I turned, ready to punch whoever was behind me but stopped when I saw two angry faces in front of me.
"Car-" "What were you thinking? What did you think coming to a bar and drinking would do for you? I come home early because I wanted to see you and Lucas has to tell me you ran off to a club. What is wrong with you Cassandra? You could've gotten hurt. Don't you realize-"
"Shut up!" I screamed at him and moved off of the bar stool, pushing my way through the crowd and to the door.
"Cassandra!" Lucas yelled over the crowd and when I was finally outside they followed me and trapped me when I was to my car.
"Don't run away like that. Why are you acting like this lately?" Carson asked and it was like a switch flipped.
"You wanna know why I've been "acting out". Because ever since that night with James I can barely sleep without having a nightmare. Ever since that night I'm scared to be intimate with you so it ends up being awkward. Ever since that night I have felt nothing but hatred for myself because I was acting like a stupid girl and ever since that fucking night I'm scared. I'm scared that at any moment he's going to show up and hurt me again. And I'm scared that when you leave I will be all alone and I know that's pathetic but I don't know a life without you Carson and I'm sorry if that makes me super clingy but that's just how I fucking feel so I'm sorry for being such a disappointment." I yelled and Luke and Carson stood there with shock all over their faces. I'd never yelled like that before. Especially with such anger towards them.
"Cass-" "No." I cut Carson off. "I'm sorry but we should just end things now. I know it's bound to happen and I don't think I can look at you anymore knowing that all I do is hurt you." I said and ignored any objections they had, getting into my car and driving home.
As I drove, the rain started to come down hard and I could barely see the road ahead. I was speeding down the road and in my angry stupor I hadn't seen the light turn red.
I froze as I saw a car heading straight towards me. The impact was hard, the car flipped and rolled across the street and I kept breathing, telling myself I'd be okay.
The car finally came to a stop and I was upside down and everything hurt. I felt tears run down my face and the last thing I remember were the sounds of sirens.
YOU ARE READING
Lifelines
Teen Fiction"I'll wait as long as you need." he whispered and I felt myself blush. Carson would wait for me. He wanted me. I cleared my throat a little which made Carson laugh at my awkwardness. "Okay. I'll uh, wait for you too." I said and Carson's face broke...
