Lifelines

Epilogue

I smile in satisfaction as I sit and look out at the thousands of families before me.

This is it. After today I am finally on my own. Today I celebrate because I graduated from Columbia University with a bachelors degree in sociology.

I smile to myself when I think of what my daughter would think of me now. I wonder what she'd think of her mother. Would she be proud? Would she cheer for me as I stood up and received my diploma? I hope she'd be proud of her Mommy. Of course I will never know because I had to give birth at six months pregnant to a dead baby.

Luckily, no one ever found out and I was able to conceal it. I never told a soul and I pity myself for feeling upset but if I told someone maybe none of it would have ever happened. Maybe if I just told him.

I was going to tell him too. The day after I went through the still birth he had come home and if she hadn't of died, I would've told him. But instead I started pushing everyone away.

The thought brings me to a dark place and I shake my head from the thoughts. I can't think of this today. Today is for me and me only.

I hear my name being called and I happily stand up, taking my diploma and shaking people's hands and I heard my name being cheered in the audience.

I look out and see my father, my step-mother, and my eleven year old brother sitting in the stands and smile at them.

The smile slowly fades from my face when I see another family I thought I'd never see again. I'm frozen in time as I stare at the Anderson family. He's here.

He looks different. He has a serious aura about him and his face is covered in a light stubble while Lucas and Kara sit with, I'm assuming is a five year old Emma. They look so different, yet it feels like they never changed.

I felt a wave of guilt rush over me as I look down at my right hand to no longer see the promise ring I was given five years ago.

After the week Carson had visited right after I lost the baby I drove him away. I started being mean to him. I told him I hated him. In my mind, it was his fault. To me, it was his fault she didn't live but it reality it was all mine.

I haven't spoken to them in four years. I've gone four years without laughter or comfort coming from the man I love-d.

Suddenly, I feel angry. Instead of seeing why I was so hurt he left. He left me when I needed him. He left me after I lost our child.

I hate him. I hate him. I hate Carson Anderson.

But yet, I don't. I don't hate him because it's my fault. I'm the reason we fell out of love.

I walked off the stage after the ceremony and over to my family who showered me in hugs and congratulations.

"What's wrong?" Sharon asked when she saw my facial expression.

"They're here. He's here." I whispered and our conversation was cut off by Cheryl yelling over the crowds, pushing through the many people.

"Cassandra! Honey, you look wonderful!" She said gleefully as she took in my appearance and greeted my family.

Kara gave me a hug and swiped at my hair.

"I never thought I'd see the day Cassandra Barnes wears makeup and cut off all her hair. You look great. We missed you." She said and covered a frown with an awkward smile.

"I guess college changes a girl." I laughed and I felt his gaze on me but I didn't dare look up at him.

I noticed Emma hid behind her mother's leg and I kneeled down to be eye level with her.

I wonder if my daughter and her would be best friends.

"Hey, Emma. You don't remember me but I'm your Aunt Cassie." I said and she looked to her mother as if asking for permission before coming over to me and analyzing me.

"You're pretty." She said simply and I laughed.

"Thanks. I haven't heard a compliment in a while." I chuckled and stood up only to be engulfed by Luke's big bear hug.

"I missed ya sis." He said and I almost melted from the term of endearment he just called me.

"I missed you too. Your daughter is beautiful." I whispered and he held me tighter. It was almost as if he knew.

"Cass!" I heard a girlish squeal and gasped when I saw the girl running towards me.

"Oh my God! Maggie! You got so big!" She ran up to me and held onto my waist so tight that it was almost uncomfortable.

"We missed you." She said and at this point I felt everyone's eyes on me and I hated myself. These were the people I love and in a moment of cowardice I had kept so much from them.

Maggie finally let go of me and my eyes finally landed on his.

"Hey." Carson said with a hint of a smile and I swear I felt my insides melt.

"Hey-"

"Babe!" I felt my legs get pulled up of the ground and I felt myself being twirled around.

His lips came crashing down on mine and he held my face in his hands as he kissed me. I quickly pulled away and noticed a confused look etched into his face but turned to everyone again and that's when I saw the hurt look on Carson's face and that his gaze was now directed to my left hand.

"Anderson family, meet Travis Cromwell, my fiancé." I stated awkwardly and I felt the air being taken from my lungs as they stared at me in shock.

Of course my family had already met Travis who greeted him politely.

"Wow, um, how long have you guys been...?" Kara seemed at a loss for words but Travis quickly covered us.

"We've been together for three years and engaged for one. Isn't she the greatest? I love my Sh'nookems. Isn't that right honeybun?" He said with an arm around me and I was at a loss for words.

"Yep. We're in love." I said but the words felt foreign on my tongue.

Carson's face fell and I felt guilty.

I felt guilty over many things but mostly I feel sadness, I feel sadness for everything we've lost.