transparent people

to a boy in my choir class

it is twelve past midnight and I don't know why I put on that stupid song and I am crying and I wish I never found that song and I wish I never went to that party or the next one and I wish I didn't find you so amazing in every way and I wish I could sleep I wish I was normal I wish I loved girls and if that couldn't happen then I wish to love any guy that isn't you because it's been so long and you do not get any less kind or handsome or funny, do you?
it is fifteen past midnight and I love you. I love you in June at the swimming pool and I love you in November at midnight girl's house and I love you in February as I lay in my bed and sob to a stupid song and stupid memories of a stupid guy at sixteen past midnight.
please don't say anything lovely to me tomorrow or I will crack, I will break, I will shatter, darling.
I do not want to feel these things about you at seventeen past midnight or any other time but I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOU ARE SO PERFECT I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY I FEEL THESE THINGS SO STRONGLY I DO NOT UNDERSTAND AND I WANT IT TO STOP, YOUR FRIENDSHIP MAKES ME SO HAPPY, DARLING. YOU ARE TRULY AND UTTERLY AMAZING AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU MORE BUT WHAT I HAVE, I AM TRULY GRATEFUL FOR. I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL FOR KNOWING SOMEONE LIKE YOU.
you are the best human I have ever known and I love you at twenty past midnight.