transparent people

first time

as the tears rushed out my eyes,
the only thing you could think about was yourself.
i told you i needed a distraction
from my demons
and you told me you'd be there.
i guess you thought your dick
was the best distraction for me.
i'm not saying you forced this upon me,
but isn't it a little wrong
to play someone who can't seem to say no?
luke, this was my first time.
luke, i told you i loved you, and you told me you loved me,
but did you really mean it?
i'm not saying i hate you,
because trust me,
i don't.
i'm not saying i didn't want it to happen,
because i really did.
i'm not saying that i regret it happened,
because i don't.
not one bit.

but i just wish it would not have been with you,

i wish that i didnt have to constantly remind myself that i am stronger without you,

i wish that when you said you loved me,

you actually meant it.