His Eyes, His Smile.

Part 8

*ring ring*

"James?!" I exclaimed, my eyes shooting open at the sound of the phone.

It had already been a day and he hadn't phoned me. I sprung out of bed and ran to the phone.

"Hello!" I greeted eagerly into the phone.

"Hi Alice it's me." I heard James's voice say on the other line.

"What happened, why didn't you call yesterday?! You promised everyday." I said, half with excitement half with interrogation.

"The flights got delayed, things happened you know. It might be difficult to talk everyday."

"Oh okay.. I miss you so much baby, our bed is so empty without you."

"Yeah I miss you too, I got to go though Alice okay so goodbye." James rushed.

"Okay, I love you!" I called back trying to make sure James could hear me but the phone on his line had already clicked off.

Looking at the clock I realized it was midnight and remembered the time difference. I crawled back into bed and hugged a pillow up to me. I wondered if being without James was just as bad for him as it was for me as my thoughts drifted back into dreams.

~ ~ ~

The next couple days blurred together. The same routine of school, forcing myself to eat and waiting for James to call turned into a mindless cycle each day. With each night he was away, sleep was harder and harder to get. James hadn't called for 4 days and my mind was wracked with worry.

After school one day, I thought I might go onto Facebook and see if he had gone on recently. James had Facebook but I didn't so I would go on his whenever I needed to. I logged in and saw that there was one new message.

"Who that could be from," I wondered aloud.

The messages read:

Ashleigh: hey James! I heard you're back in town, I've missed you so much! We should hook up while you're here. ;)

James: I've missed you too and definitely just message me whenever :)

Ashleigh: okay, I'm so glad you're back!

My eyes started to feel hot with tears. James had told me about Ashleigh before, his ex from Ireland. I couldn't believe that he was talking to her again! He told me he had stopped but now he was going to cheat on me with her! I felt sick just with the thought. I couldn't believe what I was reading.

This must be the reason why James hasn't phoned me.Soon the tears started to fall freely and the lump in my throat felt like it was choking me. I kept reading the messages over and over again and with each time it hurt more.

"Fuck you!" I screamed through tears throwing my phone against the wall.

I couldn't think or move or do anything. All I knew at that moment was that nothing hurt more. I felt like phoning Ashleigh and lipping her off or phoning James and telling him I hated him but at the same time all I wanted was to be with him. I flung myself onto my bed and screamed and cried into my pillow, soaking it with tears. How could he do this to me?! I wanted to smash my head through the wall just so I could sleep.

After I calmed down a bit, all I could do was stare blankly at the walls of our bedroom. I felt numbed with pain. I had no idea what to do. My mind raced trying to figure things out. Questions of if James even loved me at all filtered through my head and I couldn't hold back the tears. Nothing made sense and my gut was wrenched with sadness. I turned over, my stare falling on my clock that read 5:00AM. My eyes were still stinging and my vision was staggered from lack of sleep.

Dragging myself into the shower, I stood in the scalding hot water for 20 minutes. After I got out, I pulled on some yoga pants and a navy blue pullover hoodie. I looked in the mirror and was absolutely disgusted at my appearance. Thoughts of how beautiful Ashleigh is and imagining James looking at her made anger bubble inside me. I wanted to smash the mirror to pieces but my weak state held me back from trying. With my keys and my phone in my hand, I slammed the door and made my way to our car, unsure if I was in any state to drive.

As I trembled thorough the day, everything felt meaningless. My whole entire being devoted to one thought, James.