His Eyes, His Smile.

Part 13

"Are you sure you don't want me to walk you to class?"

"Yes don't worry, I'll be fine but thank you. You should go now, I don't want you to be late either!"

"Okay well if that bastard tries anything again I'll bash his head in!"

Telling James about what happened with the professor took a lot off my chest. Plus having him be protective felt good. I still hadn't gathered myself enough to tell him about me and Cody though. I'm was just so unsure about everything.

Cody stared at me from across the room during the whole class. My attentions were so divided it made it impossible for me to concentrate.

I longed to talk to Cody.. even do more with him, but I felt such betrayal even when the thoughts just so much as entered my mind. I wasn't being loyal to James even though he's been my everything for two years. My feelings just ran so deep for the both of them that I was a mess with how to choose.

I didn't want to.

"Alice.. uh hi. How's it going? Its been awhile pizza girl," Cody greeted me, laughing awkwardly. We hadn't seen each other since my little drunk visit I had paid him and in a weird way I could feel the sexual tension rise between us at the mention of pizza.

"James never cheated on me," I blurted quickly under my breath.

"What?" He asked, confused.

With a sigh and at my consciences tidings, I told him everything; how the whole thing about James cheating was a misunderstanding and how we hadn't broken up, yet.

"Well.. I gotta go.. Maybe we can hangout sometime.. Get some pizza.. Or not.. It doesn't matter.. James can come too I guess, if you want.." Cody rambled nervously.

I sighed. "Yeah hanging out would be nice. I miss you Cody." God it was so true. I did miss him, so much really. Having James back was nice but it just hasn't been the same. Everything feels different. Maybe it's me or maybe it's him but it is so strange. I know James feels it too but I feel like I owe it to him to try and make it work even though all I can think about is Cody..

"I gotta go, say hi to James for me. I'll text you sometime." Cody said as he twiddled his thumbs.

"Okay, I'd like that. Goodbye," I smiled, giving him a quick hug and a friendly kiss on the cheek.

His cheeks lit up at my touch but his eyes remained sad and with one last beat of staring at me with the saddest look I've ever seen, he turned and walked away. My heart pounded, dying to run after him but I knew I had to meet up with James in a matter of minutes.

~ ~ ~

I've never been the sort of person to believe in soul mates and "one true love". But loving two people the way I did did not make any sense either.

James had saved me. Before he was in my life I was positively ready to kill myself and if it wasn't for him I'd probably be dead. Just for that reason alone (and others of course) made loving James feel so natural.

But then there's Cody. He's hurt me so many times, fooled me, and left me and yet now he has grown into this wonderful person. He had comforted me when I needed it the most. And my love for him grew and turned wildly passionate.

James was the sort of guy who you could see yourself settling into a home with and having kids. Our love was endearing and pure. Cody on the other hand was adventurous, spontaneous and dashing. And I could just touch the surface of possibilities with him. The love I felt for him made me feel alive.

Why is it we are faced with decisions like this? Is it so terrible to want both type of lives, one full of desire and fun yet secure and homely?

"I'm starved hun, what should we have for dinner?" James questioned, popping me out of my thoughts.

"Hmmmm, I'm not sure. What do we have in the fridge?"

Hunger was the last thing on my mind.

"Celery, carrots, broccoli, cauliflower, and peppers."

"Sounds like a perfect stir fry to me." I said smiling back.

"Well welcome yourself to Chef James' kitchen, you are in for a culinary surprise." James laughed, putting on our silly old chefs hat we had picked up at a garage sale.

I laughed and smiled. He looked so silly and cute that I couldn't resist giving him a quick kiss. Oh my, his eyes, his smile. He was an Irish god I swear.

"Pour us some fine wine won't you darling?" James asked in a fake British accent that sounded nothing like a real one.He made me laugh like no one else. Pouring us some red wine I went in to the kitchen to help with the chopping.

I decided to leave all thoughts of love and decisions for another day and just let myself fall into a fun and wonderful evening of over cooked veggies and cheap wine with my best friend.