Living London (An AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire fanfiction)

Chapter 40: Peace

*Rachel POV*

"So, what do you think of the memorial?" I asked him right off of the bat.

"It's kind of weird," he said, "We don't have huge things like that in England."

"Tell me why I left again?" I rolled my eyes, "No, but do you find it irritating? I mean, the people are treating it like a party. A birthday party would be no different, except less people would come and it would be less soppy."

"Yeah, I dunno what it is about dancing."

"I bet the food is five star hotel food. I doubt they would have even bought her that expensive food when she graduated, for money reasons. But of course, once she's dead they can afford it."

He paused and looked at me. His eyes met mine, and I felt a bit of my stomach twirl with emotions. I turned away, because I wanted it to stop. "You've never had a moment to be able to stop thinking about her since she died, have you?"

I dug into the dirt with my fingernails, messing with loose dirt in my hands. Everything was silent. "I mean, wouldn't you, if it was Phil?"

He paused, and looked up at the blank, blue sky. A bird tweeted from a power line somewhere in the distance. "Yeah, I think I would."

"Listen, I know I've been acting like a pessimistic, bitter cunt, but-"

"No, no, you've been acting very normally."

I laughed, "Um. I'm worried?"

"No," he laughed, "Not like that. I mean, it's a normal way to act when so much is happening. It's good, even."

I laughed, "'Good'."

"It is," he laughed, "Okay, I don't know how to explain, so I'll just drop it."

There was another silence again. But it was a nice silence. The sun was so hot, that I was sure both of us were turning into sweat-balls of ultimate stickiness. I knew Dan was probably going to end up looking like Mexican Dan, but for some reason he didn't mind. And that was nice, that he was doing that for me.

I finally was able to breathe. My headache was gone, and my stomach was no longer spinning. Some part of me let things go. I was no longer holding on. The expectation of acting a certain way, around a crowd, or Dan, was gone.

I just felt like sitting there forever.

But Dan and I were broken up. And he hurt me. What am I doing?

"I have a great idea," he said. "But we'll only do it if you're willing."

I felt my mind fill with endless possibilities of all he could suggest. I was a little terrified, "What?"

"How about we go in there and dance so terribly? Crash the party?"

I paused, and thought about more eyes staring at me. "I don't know. I hated how they looked at me before."

"I've got you. I'll protect you from their judging looks. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter anyway. You won't see any of them again. Except Phil. I think he'll be proud. And your mom."

"And she'll be alright, in the end," I said.

"Exactly."

"Are you sure about this? What if they kick us out?"

"They'll kick us out of somewhere we didn't want to be in in the first place."

"You're right."

"So?"

"Let's do it."

...

As we walked in, we heard violins playing classical music. It was the kind of music I liked, but the kind Abby disliked. I wasn't too surprised or angry anymore.

Couples were dancing slow, ballroom dances.

"Just follow my lead," Dan said. "I remember some stuff from acting in school, believe it or not."

Dan took my hand and lead me to the dance floor. I trailed behind him, feeling more and more nervous.

We found a spot. I started feeling eyes on me. He noticed my concern. He took my hand. I winced. He looked at my hand, remembering the glass-incident. He took my other hand.

We started off in a normal ballroom dancing style, which I was already terrible at.

"You don't even need to do any crazy dance. I'm bad enough," I rolled my eyes.

"Things will get better," he said.

He spun me around, and then again. I felt slightly dizzy. I stopped spinning. Then he started marching in place, and I did the same. Then, he took my hand again and spun me outward. I flung halfway across the floor, but managed to keep my balance because I knew it was coming. When I was able to see straight, I turned to Dan. More eyes. We made eye contact. Dan started sprinting toward me. I ran toward him. We both turned, and hip-bumped against each other. We both went flying, but I flew farther because I didn't weigh much. I managed to gain balance and fall only to my knees. I felt like a ninja. Everyone on the dance floor was staring. I looked only at Dan. He ran toward me again, and I to him. We both jumped up and chest bumped, except I was much shorter than him so it was more of a chest/stomach bump situation. We both fell on our butts. Everyone was staring.

We paused. The music had stopped too.

"Bye!" Dan yelled and started walking toward the exit. I followed him.

Once we were outside, I couldn't stop laughing. Dan couldn't stop laughing either. We both hugged while laughing, and then stopped hugging, still laughing. I was out of breath.

"I can't breathe," I struggled to inhale.

He didn't say anything, but laughed that loud Dan-laugh.

My mom came out, absolutely glaring me down. "That was so inappropriate. How could you make a joke out of a service like that?"

"The service was a joke already. I just did something Abby would actually have appreciated."

She turned and walked away. "I'll be in the car when you gather your senses."

We were still laughing.

Phil came out next. I was finally able to stop laughing. I noticed the music started up again.

"That was so fun to watch," Phil said. He looked between us both, trying to understand what had happened between us. "I wanted to join in."

"I think Abby would have been pleased. I'm not sure I would've done it otherwise. I don't know what happens after you die, but either she saw that or didn't. In the end, I think it said something. It meant something to me. In the least, we told those people who Abby really was," I said.

I didn't feel guilty to laugh, as I might have before. Not many people knew Abby, and those who did didn't know her. They knew the Abby who was troubled. Abby loved to laugh. She loved to make every situation fun.

I knew Phil had seen that. He saw the beauty in everyone and everything whenever he could. I don't think Dan saw it, but part of me was thinking that he saw it now. Or at least, he was trying to repair our relationship. But I didn't want to think about that. Abby didn't want me to be sad. Truly, she didn't. As much as I understood her, she understood me. We never meant each other harm.

I suddenly felt incredibly tired. The jetlag was settling in nicely. I yawned. "I think we should go back. I'll be scolded in the car, but I'm too tired to pay any attention. I need sleep."

Dan and Phil agreed. We all headed back to the car. This time, I sat between Dan and Phil. Maybe that didn't mean much, but it meant something.