Living London (An AmazingPhil and Danisnotonfire fanfiction)

Chapter 31: Risk

*Rachel POV*

Final exams completed! Thank goodness.

I skipped out of the classroom, turning some heads - faces with a range from confusion to pure judgment. I didn't care. They could just go around being gloomy as they liked.

I spun around a lamppost, as if in Dancing in the Rain (which, I pretty much was - so how suiting!). I ran up the stairs in the flat, my lungs suffering.

The flat was quiet. Light pooled down from a single window that was open, illuminating a lonely book that sat on top of a messy bundle of a blanket.

I heard a door open. I jumped at the sudden noise. I knew it was Abby's door. I waited to greet my friend. Out came James, who ran a single hand through his hair to flatten it, and his other hand straightening his tie.

I stiffened when I saw him, but I managed to wave, as he smirked and left the flat.

I unfroze myself and walked to Abby's door.

I knocked.

"DON'T COME IN!" She shouted suddenly, a catch in her throat.

"-Sorry! Are you not dressed?"

"I'm just putting on my makeup." Her voice wavered as she spoke.

"You know I don't care if I see you without makeup. Is something wrong?"

"Nothing!" She responded too quickly. "Why would something be wrong?" She said suddenly angrily.

She opened the door, and quickly retreated to the other side of the room, looking out the window.

"Are you alright?" I repeated. Something was off definitely. "You haven't seemed yourself lately."

"You would like me to be myself, wouldn't you?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I haven't been myself to you since we got here."

"Did I do something wrong?"

She didn't respond.

...

Dishes clanked together as I quietly wiped my eyes. I thought about York, and how it renewed me. It also showed me who I was. Actually letting myself feel meant crying sometimes - even in the most embarrassing moments. I grabbed the sponge and tried to clean the funky goo off of the plate I was holding. It didn't work. I nearly threw it into the sink, and began crying.

"Rachel?" I heard.

My eyes widened. I turned away and wiped my eyes with a dish towel.

"I'm fine," I said.

"I wish you wouldn't lie like that. You're my best friend, you know?"

I looked up, suddenly surprised. "Yes, yes we are." I looked at her face, tired, worn, but smiling. "We are, aren't we?"

She grabbed the dish out of the sink. I handed her the sponge. "I'll wash. You dry."

I nodded. And we began working.

"Do you ever think about how things were a long time ago?"

"All the time. But you know. That's what I do."

"Do you remember the time I laughed so hard that I peed on the bleachers at that football game?"

I started laughing. "That was great."

"Only because you pointed out that one of the football players looked like a mushroom."

"That's right! You dated him!"

"Not on purpose."

"Yes, on purpose. You can't date someone accidentally."

She laughed, "True... but you can certainly regret dating someone."

"What do you mean?"

"Sorry."

I stopped drying the dish in my hand. I looked at her face and gave it a good look. She looked many years older than before. Her eyes looked scared. She quickly turned away.

"I'm sorry things haven't been good between us," I said. "I don't know what I did. But I would rather that you would be happy if it was without me. You get upset all the time, but I know you aren't harsh. You haven't been yourself since we got here. Whatever it takes, I want things to be right. You can tell me anything, you can trust me, right?"

She nodded. "What would I do without you?" Her voice cracked.

"Things will get better. Things will go back to the way they were. I promise."

"I wish I could go back," she said. "Things just aren't good."

"Would you ever talk about it with me?" I said.

"No," she said suddenly. "But, can I ask you one question?"

"Of course."

"If you had to make a dangerous decision, one that's very risky... the positive result would lead to things changing for the better, the negative result leading to being stuck or everything permanently being bad... would you do it?"

"Well, that's very hypothetical..."

"And if you don't make the decision. You're trapped no matter what."

"I think I would make it. When I say me, I don't mean me. I don't take risks unless I have to. But I think it would make sense to do whatever that is."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too." I shook my head, "Don't do anything too risky, please."

"I've got to go," she set a dish in the sink. "Last one. Dry it and then we're done."

"Please."

She turned and left. Her brown hair twirled as she almost skipped out the door. I realized in that moment I had not seen her so happy in such a long time. My heart ached for my friend. I knew I did the right thing to talk to her. Her eyes, tired and sad, had a faint remaining sparkle of hope.

The door closed into its proper place, and I was alone.

I sat on the couch for about an hour, thinking over everything that was said in that strange conversation. I traced through my mind for signs of what it could all mean.

Darkness around her eyes. Needing to wear makeup to see me. Wanting things to be how they used to. Saying she loved me.

I feared what these were signs for. I closed my eyes and breathed, trying to keep myself level-headed. Millions of ideas of what could be happening hazed my mind with fear for my friend.

I got up and decided it was time to go to Dan's. I walked by Abby's room, taking a peak inside before shutting the door, before I hid inside mine.