Shattered - H.S. |on hold|

Ten. [Harry Pov.]

I couldn't shake of the look of fear that was exposed in her hazel eyes. It wasn't the fear of me, it clearly was the fear of what I was doing, as if it had happened to her before and somehow I didn't like the thought of someone touching her.

There was something about Belle. She was the first girl since Alexia that really caught my eye, and she must have the same looks as her. The brown shoulderlength hair, the hazel orbs and that bright smile.

She reminds me of everything before all the shit I went through, she makes me want to be that person again and that angered me, because I couldn't be the same. It angered me how she wouldn't stay away from me, yet I was the one that went looking for her. I wanted her in my life but I know I wasn't good in hers.

I was drawn to her and that scared me. It scared every single piece inside of me to be longing for a person because I had never felt that way. I knew it from the very first second I laid my eyes on her, I knew that there was something special about her and it scared me from that very first moment that I didn't want her around. I didn't want to be afraid of what I was feeling. It was like the only option to push her away, be cool around her.

But it was when I noticed her passed out on the floor with perverts looking at her that I knew I needed to be someone to her. Even if it was just the guy next door. At that moment I felt like I had to help her out but I regretted it instantly once she laid in my bed, like an angel. I wanted to be more than just the guy next door and I knew I couldn't be that. I couldn't be good for her innocense and I had her to stay away from me. I needed her to be frightened of me.

And now that I got what I wanted, I felt empty.

I was furious at myself trying to touch her and making it worse by continuing when she begged me to stop. My intoxicated state took the worst out of me wanting to feel her.

But I had seen something else in her eyes. I had seen regret and I knew why it was there. Just like me, Belle had walls up. Because I knew, I could feel it that something happened in her past too. I could feel how hard she tried to stay away from me, I could feel her letting her walls down trying to trust me and let me in.

And know her eyes were pooled with regret, regret that she had done that and I guess she now thought she knew me. She obviously knew that I had a past and I guess she now thought to know what my past was.

I slammed the first visible bottle of alcohol against the floor. The stupid drink I always found an escape in now made it worse.

If I hadn't drunk that night I might have could listened to what she had to say, to why she was there. I wouldn't have been so open with her. How stupid could I be, telling her I wanted her to make me happy again.

Not that I didn't mean it, but she was probably thinking how I made that up just to get her weak for me.

I only now realized how much I tried to push Belle away from me, I only let her in just a little bit more. And I let her slip through my fingers and lose her, just like I lost everyone I ever let in.

I had fucked up big time, no, I was fucked up and I wanted her in my life. I found myself wishing waking up in the morning to find her making breakfast or walking through the park with Lux in between us or finding her on the balcony in the middle of the night, mesmerized with a book and a cup of coffee or tea sitting next to her.

She did something to me, I couldn't name what it was but I knew she would never feel the same about me.

Her biggest wish would probably be getting away from me as most as possible and I wouldn't be surprised if she moved out from the flat next door.

I groaned as I received a text from my boss. I hadn't realized how late it was, lost in my thoughts about her. I wanted to call off so badly, but I only had a two hour shift and maybe the club would distract me from her.

* * * * * * *

My shift was over and I hadn't seen Belle go in or out, so I took this opportunity to enjoy myself in the club. Only a few minutes passed before I had a random girl grinding against me, making me place my hands on her hips.

I couldn't help but think how Belle her hips felt, the skin barely hovered around the bone. In the heat of the moment I started exploring the stranger's body with my rough fingertips. Leaving my hands to wander her sides.

The stranger rolled her head back onto my neck, giving me a well amount of place to put feverish kisses.

The unnamed girl was pretty, but she could never be as beautiful as Belle. I cursed myself mentally, I had to stop thinking about Belle. She wasn't here and this stranger was throwing myself at me, the perfect opportunity to forget about Belle for just one night.

The body turned around in my hold and caught me off guard by placing her arms in my neck and pressing her lips against mine. It was a strange feeling, but her lips weren't as soft as Belle's were. They didn't leave me craving for more but I couldn't break the kiss off instead she let her tongue glide along my lower lip, begging for entrance which I gave her. Maybe if I focused a little bit less on how rough her lips were I could imagine her as Belle.

She let our lips brush a little bit longer when she broke off the kiss. I couldn't smell any hint of alcohol, expecting this girl wasn't drunk at all and was aware of what she just did.

A smile grew upon her lips as she stepped backwards and straightened her hand along with her arm.

“Isa.” I shook the hand, laughing. The girl mustn't know about me and the past trailing behind me and I liked that. Someone was looking for me, even if it was just a one night stand, I wouldn't mind.

“Harry.”

She pushed herself forward so she was only inches away from me before she spoke again.

“I think you're really hot Harry.” I smiled at the bluntless of the girl. Before I could come up with a reply Isa pressed her lips against mine again, with a little more force than minutes ago. Waisting no time and pressing her tongue against my lips harsly.

She gripped my hands and placed it on the spot between both her thighs. I flinched away as I remember how Belle winced when I placed my hand on her.

Isa broke off the kiss to speak. “Touch me Harry, please.”

I didn't have the need to touch her, but I could hear the desire in her voice. She was begging for someone to touch her and it wasn't something Belle would do, taking my mind off her. This was Isa, a redhead with freckles and deep blue eyes. The total opposite of Belle.

She hummed against my neck as I brushed her intimate spot through the fabric of her skirt.

“Let's go somewhere else.” She tugged my hand away and wrapped her tiny fingers around my wrist and turned me around towards the toilets, which were beside the bar.

It was than when I noticed her, the two hazel eyes I missed staring into. The pouting lips I missed kissing. Her hipbones I missed feeling underneath my touch.

I was frozen in the spot as my eyes locked with hers. They were filled with disgust, anger, fear but I also noticed the sadness in them. I could see her comfirming her thoughts of me, making my heart drop.

There was no way I could fix this.

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GOOD EVENING/MORNING/NIGHT/AFTERNOON wherever you beautiful beautiful people are in the world. I decided to update earlier than expected because I got 2200 reads and I love every single one of you & the comments you guys left. You guys are all fab and I hope this chapter finally makes clear why Harry is the way he is. I don't know what to think of the part but I guess I kinda like it.

Kisses! x x x