I Hope You Make It To 28 [melix]

Part 12

The sun was shining and warmed up everyone. No more jackets, no more gloves or big clumsy shoes. Summer is almost here even if it's only May.

The grass is green and flowers have come and people are more outside. The cold and depressed winter was over.

But for me... well I haven't talked to Marzia yet. We just stare at each other when we see each other and walks our different ways. I hate it. And I realise how lonely I am without her.

Sure, me and Ruth have talked and texted but it happens sometimes. We aren't that close with each other. She is mostly with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend goes in same study line as Marzia but one class over her.

I was in my room and was taking my clothes in to a basket. Washing day. I imagine that I will meet Marzia in the washing room and it will be like our first time. We will talk, we will become friends again. But I would apologise and say how lonely I am. She made me go out, made me meet Dan and Phil. Perhaps she would show me more people that I could be friend with.

Just imagine this makes me want to run to the washing room and just hoping that she will be there. I took on my cap that I got from Marzia and my shoes. I didn't need a jacket, that would be too hot. I already wear all black and the sun make it really hot.

I took my basket and walked down to the washing room.

Saturday.

People is outside and is enjoying the sun. Perfect day to take a lot of photos.
I slowed my steps.

Marzia won't be in washing room. She is probably outside and taking photos.
When I come down to washing room a teacher stood outside. He was a PE teacher and he looked up to me and then down on his paper.

"Felix Kjellberg?" he asked with dark voice that felt vibration threw the air.
"Yes, am I alone today?" I asked and I hoped for a 'no'.

He looked down on his paper again and made a sigh. This isn't what a teacher want to do on a beautiful Saturday. They want to be outside and not taking care of a washing room and check if the right person is coming.

"Yeah a guy is coming soon too," he sighed and looked up at me.
A guy. Not a girl. I just nodded and walked past him in to the washing room.

Probably a guy that is lonely as me will come and wash his clothes. Maybe I can make a friendship with him. We'll see first who the guy is.

I threw my underwear and socks in one washing machine and started it. I still take one machine since it's cheaper that way. I sat down and started to come to my deep thoughts.

Deep? It's more like a true fact that can happen to me.
What if I lose contact with Marzia totally? And Ruth too? It wouldn't surprise me if Ruth got bored with me soon.

But I would be lonely. I don't want to be it. I hate being alone.

I don't want to spend my whole life alone with video games. I don't want to think about these thoughts.
I really needed Marzia.

What if I grow up alone? I don't want to be 98 years old lonely man with no friends. Who would then come to my funeral? No one. Since I have no one.
I don't wanna make it to 98 years old.

I held my hands on my ears and rested my elbows on my legs. These are terrifying thoughts I have always fear but haven't thinking about before now. Now when I have lost a friend.

What if I die now? Who would come to my funeral? My family would but who more? No friends. Everyone would figure out that I was a lonely guy.
And my long walk with death.

I still think that I will take a long walk with Death when I die. And they will remind me how lonely I was. Ask me what fun happened in my life. Would show me the past of my life. Show how lonely I am and see how I killed myself.