I Hope You Make It To 28 [melix]

Part 13 The End

I was in my room and cleaned. Tried to make my mind clear and focusing what I should say to Marzia. She will leave in 4 days. The days had really flew by and now was this only my chance.

I would go over to her room tonight.
I hadn't a chance this week since... who am I fucking kidding? I had time to go to her and apologise. But it feels pointless. If she is going to Italy she will forget about me anyway and have her own life.

But I saw today on Philosophy class how many times Marzia looked over at me and I at her. Our last lesson together and we didn't say anything to each other.

I'm so mad at myself, why am I such an idiot and such a pussy for not talking to her?
Even thinking about her makes my mind crazy and my heart too.

I looked at myself in the black tv screen. The blue hair had turned silver blue-grey, I had big black baggy eyes, I looked like a mess. I had even smoke a lot more. I'm nervous. I have no idea what to say.

I looked at the clock, soon 9pm. I need to go now!
"I can fucking do this," I said. "I do it now."
I forced myself up and walked over to the door. I had a big rock in my stomach but I ignored it and walked slowly over to Marzia's room.

When I was there I stared at the door. I could puke. If I really wanted to. I know that I'm in love with her which makes everything harder.

The first day at college I found her beautiful. In November I talked to her for the first time. She is still beautiful. I have always wanted to be her friend but I'm so in love with her at the same time and I don't want to ruin anything but I ruined it anyway.

Is it really my fault?

I was mad at Marzia for not helping Ruth but helped her when I had take Jessica away. Now Jessica is on me all the time. But I haven't give her my attention to her.

So why do I stand here? When I had right to be angry at Marzia? Be angry because she didn't do anything to help Ruth.
I know how scared Marzia was of Jessica. I know she thought she would make it worser if she acted. Am I apologise to her because she was scared?

Yes, everyone get scared. And when you are scared you don't know what to do. You just want to run away. Who would yell at someone who is scared?

I did. And it was a mistake of me.

I took a deep breath but before I could reach to knock on the door, the door flew open and Elisa stood there.
She looked chocked as me, she turned around to look in to Marzia's room and then at me.
"You have a guest Marzia," Elisa said low and passed me with quick steps.

What was it with her? I ignored it and stepped in to the room and closed the door behind me.
Marzia was on her bed and was hugging a pillow. She looked up to me and she had small tears in her eyes.

"Hi," I said and stood by the door. "I hope I didn't interrupt you two."
Marzia only shook on her head wiped away the tears. "No she was leaving anyway."
I nodded. I looked around the room and it looked different. The photos and decoration that was everywhere in this room was now gone. It felt really empty in here. It was only lights that was hanging on the white wall. On the floor was two big bags that was both half full with stuff.

"I heard you're leaving," I said and turned my eyes to Marzia.
"Yeah," she said low.
"I could never imagine that you would leave," I mumbled and looked down on the bags.
"Everyone have thought I was a great student," Marzia said with a small crack in her voice like she was on her way to cry. "I'm only good with photos and philosophy. Soon everyone will know what a failure I am."

"I have never seen you as a failure," I said and took small steps to her bed.
"You see me ugly."
I stopped my steps and looked at her. She didn't look at me, she was sitting there with the pillow in her legs.