Lightweight

Lightweight : Chapter Thirteen

                        "Dude, it’s like 2:30," I groaned shoving Jasper's shoulder so he could wake up. I had the worst morning hangover and a headache. I felt like throwing up. The fact that I’ve never been drunk, so I’ve never been able to experience a hangover, makes it even worse.

He sat up quickly, startled by my last aggressive shove. "Huh?! What!?" He mistakenly put his arm on the horn which made the loud honking noise. I busted out into laughter and he laid his head back on the seat and turned to me.

"What did we do?" He mumbled. Jasper’s eyes were low and he looked just a sick as I felt.

I ran my head through his dark hair. "I don’t even know," I grinned. “But it was the most fun I’ve had in a long time,"

I stared down at him as he was looking up at me with his tired eyes then he half smiled. "I've never met a girl as cool as you. Seriously," Then he burped. Pig.

 "Ew!" I giggled fanning his beer breath out of my face. Then I looked at the time and realized I was supposed to be in my bed, or at least in my house. "My mom's going to freak,” I grabbed my stuff off the floor.  “I was supposed to be home a few hours ago. I'll see you later," I hugged Jasper, kissed him on the forehead and got out of the car. I turned back to his car and waved then he drove off. I walked up to the porch, bracing myself for whatever punishment my mom was going to give me. Holding onto my breath, I opened the door and saw my mom sitting on the steps.

She got up "Sydney, where were you! I gave you a curfew! 1:30a.m, not 1:30p.m! Look at what time you're coming in!" I sighed and effortlessly walked up the stairs. I just didn’t have anything to say to that. I just wanted to hop into bed and sleep. I didn’t feel like seeing her face, let alone hearing her voice.

"Sydney!” She seethed. “I’m sick and tired of your nonsense and your arrogant attitude! You're a spitting image of your father! You don't care about anything or anyone," She yelled.

I turned to her and by the look of her face; she looked like she wished she’d just swallowed those words. Because the look on my face right now wasn’t pleasant, and the words I wanted to say to her wouldn’t fully express how much I wanted to slap her away from me. "What’s your goddamn deal right now!?" I said in between clenched teeth. "It’s not like you ever cared! There's no one here mom, so chill out on the act,"

"Sydney, you're grounded," She pressed her lips together in a hardline and she swallowed a big amount of spit.  

"Grounded?" I mocked. "Is that it?"

"Sydney, do not test me!" She barked. I could see in her eyes that she was about to cry.

"Mom you think I care? You think I care about this family? Because in all honesty, I don't. I don’t give a fat shit! About you, about Dad about Chris; I don’t even give a damn shit about myself. I gave up on this…..life a long time ago," I knew those words would hurt my mom the most. Letting my mom finally know that I was unhappy was both bitter and sweet.

"You don't care but we do! We care Sydney!" A tear fell from her eyes and feel to the floor.

A low chuckle slipped from my lips and then replaced by a sly grin. "Oh really? You guys care? You guys don't even have the brains to realize what I’ve been going through these past few months! Telling me you care, you guys don't care about anything. So don't talk to me about how you care. I'm sick and tired of hearing you say it! How about for once, you do it!" I yelled with force. I yelled with all of what I had left. Any bit of emotion I had left inside of me. It was all used up. It was all gone. I was exhausted, mentally, physically; I just wanted to sleep, sleep forever.

I turned around and continued upstairs without another word from both myself and my mom. I barged into my room and sat on my bed. I began to sob. I felt alone and empty. I felt dry. I felt disgusting and detached. My thoughts were scrambling again. Like a thousand scrambling ants; confused, out of order, afraid.

I went into the bathroom and snatched some toilet tissue off the rack. I looked into the mirror and wiped my eyes. I started to think about everything.

I thought about my mom, my dad, Juliet, Ayden & Scott. These thoughts weren’t good thoughts either. I began to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like someone shoved a knife in my throat and every time I tried to catch a breath, it’d cut at my throat. More tears fell out my eyes uncontrollably. I was scared of this dark thing that sleeps in me.

I threw my head into my hand and cried. There are just things I won't admit to myself. I felt like shit at this moment and whatever I did, I couldn’t stop crying. I couldn’t stop the pain, the screaming and the clawing to get out. I didn’t want to be in this body anymore. I didn’t even feel like being anymore.

I opened the bathroom door, tears flying past my face. I grabbed my bag and stuffed some clothes into the bag. I realized that I was completely alone and I had to handle this alone. I didn’t know what I was doing. I just wanted to get away from it all. I really am the person I never thought I would become.

I put the bag on my back, crept out my bedroom door, down the stairs and out of the door. I walked down the street tears still falling out my eyes. My eyes were puffy and they were weighing my eyes down but I couldn’t stop.

I walked passed Scott's old house. I began to think about all the things Scott told me. No one can promise they won't hurt you, because one time or another, they will.

I was just walking and once I reached Barker Street, I’d realized I’d walked a really long distance. My feet were hurting and I could feel the sole of my sneaker pressing against the blisters and wounds upon my feet, but I wouldn’t stop.

The sun was at its set, and I still kept walking. I wouldn’t stop, even if it meant walking in the dark. I’ve been doing it all my life anyway.

I found a nearby park and sat down on one of the benches. I was still balling. I wiped my eyes but more tears kept falling.

“What the hell am I doing?!” I whispered-yelled to myself. “I promised myself I was going to stay strong. I wouldn’t let myself feel this vulnerable again,”

I inhaled a massive amount of air and then exhaled.

I got up from the bench. I didn’t know where to go, so I began to walk back the way I came.

After about another 3 hours of walking, I wasn’t even close to home. I decided to go over to Corey's house since it was close.

I walked up to Corey's porch and knocked on the door. A few minutes later Corey came to the door.

"Sydney, hey, are you okay?" He asked with sincerity in his voice. Obviously, I wasn’t going to tell him what was wrong.

"Do you know where Jasper lives or his number?" I sounded a bit nasally.

He looked me in the eyes. "Alright, I’ll go get the phone," And he disappeared into his house. I thought that right now, the only person I could turn to was Jasper. I don’t know why. I guess it was because I thought he was the only one who understood me, or at least tried to.

Corey came back out with the phone and Jasper's number. I called Jasper and asked him if he could come pick me up.

After a brief 10 minutes of awkward silence between Corey and I, Jasper's car appeared around the curb.

"Thanks Corey," I smiled and hugged him. I was actually so thankful for Corey right now.

I turned and walked over to Jasper's car that was parked right in front of the yard. I got in.

"Hey there," He grinned.

"Thanks for coming," I said. I tried to smile but I just couldn’t. Jasper stared at me for a moment then back to the wheel. He started his car and we drove off.