march 9, 8:08 pm
dear cam,
i wish i had met you sooner. if you were mine when i was 15 i wouldn't have fallen in love with that boy in my chem class and cracked my head open on his chest. i couldn't see straight for three weeks after that. and maybe if I had known you since i was a little boy i never would've gotten sad enough to to cut myself. a small tick on my skin everytime my mother cried. and if we had met two summers ago i probably would've been asleep in your bed instead of in my big sisters car when she crashed it. i could've twirled my fingers around your hair instead of pulling the strings out of hospital blankets. if we had met just a few months sooner, I'd probably never know the taste of two many pills in my mouth because my mouth would be too busy telling you I love you. I know that people can't save you, I'm just saying, I think that if we could go back in time and kiss before the night the fire in my bedroom washed away the blood stains on my carpet, I wouldn't know what it's like to mean it when I say I want to die.
shawn mendes
