ifI was found in the tub - my body flipped over onto my stomach, water spilling out over the edge - people would finally want to know what's wrong. what got to me. what caused all this. what they possibly did wrong or what they could've done. we all seem to care once it's already happened. and that's the problem. we all care once it's too late. we all want to know a bit too late.
it all starts when you're laying in bed and a tear is escaping the cage it's been in two hours past midnight remembering all about the past in flashes of mental and emotional pain.
then we enter the shower and as the water falls so do out tears. they wash away our happiness as the shower washes away the dirt to make us seem well.
a few months down the road it all comes crashing back to you. you attempt to stand but it pushes you back down. you try to brush off the dust but the dust recollects just as quickly. then the memories weigh you down. don't forget your flaws as well, and the broken promises.
we break down in our own arms as the people we pass in the hallways tell us they're here for us. but are they really? they tell us they are here for us but don't seem to understand the pain. don't seem to understand what the words that leave my mouth mean.
each word, each moment that i am ignored, each moment that i am checked off as "happy", my heart breaks a little as does my mind for not being honest with my peers.
little by little my happiness trickles out of my body, but no one sees it. no one believes me because i have a smile on my face. because i don't have cuts on my wrists or a history of overdosing. but our sadness starts somewhere. and it can start anywhere or anytime. the lover that left a toll on me, my fathers fists or my mothers screams could all been results of my state right now.
but the thing that made me how i am, was you.
I'll be waiting,
shawn mendes
